Jerusalem's Drummers' circle

 

they gave hourly performances all around the walls of Jerusalem. Fun to watch hippies looking like biblical types, drumming and trumpeting - not everyone knew what to make of them. 

By the Hulda Gates

 

This is how people - 300,000 at a time during Passover - came up the steps into the temple...fascinating, isn't it? 

ancient mikvah

 

2,000 year old mikvah (ritual bath) - on one side were people going into the bath, on the other side of the steps people came up after being purified and ready to enter the temple. The two parts were separated by a wall... 

ancient Jerusalem

 

2,000 year old store fronts - used by people coming up to the temple - these stores sold birds, or goats used for temple sacrifices 

More Passover

 

at the archeological garden - a 2,000 year old floor that had been crushed by falling boulders from the Roman destruction of the wall 

Passover in Jerusalem

 

Crowds at the Western Wall 

Deadly Real Estate

I was reading the papers this morning - the front page read "E. Jerusalem man slain after he sells building to settlers" - reading further I noticed the victim was Mohammed Abu-al-Hawa, 40 years old. He apparently sold a 4 story apartment building to Jews in A-tur, near the Mt. of Olives. The building had been bought by Elad, a nonprofit organization settling Jews in Palestinian neighborhood. According to the report -His brother said someone showed up with $300,000 in cash to HIS door for HIS apartment. He actually refused the money. But his brother was not lucky and the family said the transaction was made through a Palestinian family to a Jordanian Investment Company. They may not even have known the sale was to Jews.

I knew he was a relative of my friend Ibrahim, but wasn't sure if it was his son or another relative. I called up several friends, but none were answering their phones. I was getting frantic. I was too nervous to call Ibrahim, and talk to him, but in the end I did call him. Turns out it was his nephew. I stammered who I was and said over and over again.

"I am so sorry this happened to your family"

He replied - God will take care of everyone, and then wished me a Shabbat shalom.

I wanted to offer to help their family somehow who are now fatherless and he had 7 children, but that didn't come through. I just couldn't manage the words. But I'm sure I'll find out in the next few days if they need any monetary help and post it here.

Again, this is tragic - on the one hand, tragic that people will murder people for political and racist reasons such as selling homes to Jews and on the other hand, tragic because there is also something arrogant at the eagerness of Jewish organizations wishing to uproot Palestinian families who had been living here for generations...

Passover 2006

We had 2 invites this year for the Seder. One with our messianic Jewish friends -the other with once-good-friends we first met when we moved here 9 years ago. We had been out of touch with them for about 5 years and poof - out of nowhere - they were back in our lives asking us to join them in a pot-luck seder with about 21 guests. My Trashy Daughters thumbed their noses up at this invite, preferring instead to be with their boyfriends' families, the engaged daughter was fully excused to be with her future family (let her get to know what her in-laws will be like during stressful holidays - MWAA ha ha!), except for my Good Daughter and Teenage Werewolf Son.

Thankfully there were many other ADHD type kids a bit older than my son for him to wreak havoc with at the seder table - and he felt at home. It was noisy and fun there. I brought my hand made matzah to the table and read from my Holistic Haggadah by Dr. Michael Kagan. It had alot of touchy-feely stuff to it. Like "feel the salt water as tears running down your cheeks. Free your inner Mitzrayim (Egypt). In Buddhism attachments are the cause of suffering, in Judaism, they are the cause of enslavement..., etc." And nearly everyone oohh'd and ahh'd at this new Jewish Renewal funky interpretation of the ancient Haggadah, save for about 3 people who clearly weren't interested in all at any interpretations of the text, but preferred to get down to the meal already. Typical Jews.

I spoke about meaningful prayer - how difficult it was to find that feeling of elation when you pray in ordinary Orthodox synagogues, preferring Jewish Renewal or the Kol Haneshama Reform Congregation in Jerusalem instead for the spiritual way they pray. But one of the guests told me about a women's prayer group that meets once a month in my very own neighborhood and she felt it was highly spiritual, so I guess I might as well give it a try.

Our hostess inquired about my New Age beliefs - she was annoyed at my Wandering Judaism and was getting emotional about my straying from the well-trodden path of Orthodox Jews. "Don't you believe that the 613 commandments were given from God? Don't you think it's wrong to just pick and choose?" This after Hubby was reading from his Haggadah about how saying that the 613 Laws felt like it came from the police rather than from God.

I told my hostess rather politely that all these commandments had strayed far from their original source interpreted by rabbis and who knows what God really had in mind for us? There are many different paths to God.

Behind me was another guest rooting me on with her "Yeah, she's right" every time I said something to the hostess.

I told her now that we chucked alot of the Sabbath restrictions, we were happier now as a family. And isn't enjoying the Sabbath what it's all about - not dreading that it comes every week?

"Aren't you happier that your daughter is marrying someone religious - wouldn't you rather have that than the other way around?" she asked her final question.

"No, I just want her to be happy. If she was going to be both Orthodox and narrow-minded, that would probably upset me. Other than that it doesn't matter what she becomes - she just must make it her duty to be happy. That's all that matters, really."

Reverting back to Nice Hostess, she told me how it is wonderful that Hubby puts me on a pedastel and calls me "My Wife", that he respects me and all that shit. My daughter glanced at me as if saying "that is one Woman who has had much more than 4 cups of wine tonight." Not everyone knows the real Caveman Hubby.

After that seder ended we went over to the Messianic Seder to see what that was like, as it was nearing its end and people were already leaving. We knocked on the door at 12:30 am.

"Who's there?" they asked.

"Elijah the prophet" and we walked in.

It was no second coming, but it was fun to be with them. We had a bit of a surprise there as we saw former neighbors of ours whom we hadn't seen in 7 years. Turns out the woman got turned on to Jesus/Yeshua 5 years ago but the husband and son were heretics and non-believers like ourselves. I asked her how did she find her path? She told me she saw what her friends had - serenity, fulfillment, happiness - and wanted that too. Fair enough.

Back home, we spoke about our neighbors (just as they, at the same time, were probably speaking about us), and what it was like in that "mixed marriage" where one "believed" and one didn't and how many more people we would see whom we thought we knew at these messianic gatherings.

Hell

Sent to me by a Palestinian friend - really funny!!

A British, an American and a Palestinian died, and all went to hell.

The British said: I miss England! I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there ......he called and talked for about 5 minutes ....then he said: "Well, devil, how much do I owe you for the phone call??? The devil goes: "five million dollars...." he made him a check and went to sit back on his chair....

The American was too jealous, he starts screaming...."Me too! I wanna call the United States, I wanna see how everybody is doing too........"He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said: " Well, devil, how much do i owe you for the phone call??? The devil said: " ten million dollars..." " Ten million dollars!!!" he made him a check and went to sit back on his chair...

The Palestinian was extremly sooo Jealous too....he starts screaming and screaming , " I wanna call Palestine too, I wanna see how everybody is doing there too! I wanna talk to everybody......"

So, he called Palestine, and he talked for about twenty hours...he was talking and talking ...and talking......then he said: " Well, devil, how much do I owe you for the phone call??? The devil goes: " One dollar....!!"
"Only one dollar...!!"

The devil goes: " Yes, Well, FROM HELL TO HELL, IT'S LOCAL !!!!

The Bad, the Good, the Bad, the Good

the Bad - last week getting a notice that an Arab family from Silwan (city of David) outside the old city of Jerusalem whose ancestors saved the Jews during the riots in the 1920, were forcibly evicted from their homes because they were housed "in Jewish owned land" previous to 1948. I did not have time to join the protests, but would have - had I not had my slave job to go to every day. Does not anyone think what about the glorious mansions Jews live in - in West Jerusalem, that belonged to Arabs pre-1948?

the Good - Jews and Arabs working together to protest the wall separating the Arab Jerusalem neighborhoods of Jabel Mukaber and Sheikh Saed. A group called Neighbors to Neighbors have worked, met and celebrated together over this wall which would have separated families. The court has ruled that the neighborhood will not be separated and that the wall will be build behind Seikh Saed. Mazal Tov to all those that worked together on this.

The Bad - feeling totally depressed on Thursday crying my eyes out for no wedding and Pesach funds, totally scaring my co-workers who said...

the Good - that they are no longer afraid of our bosses because of me and my "fuck 'em" attitude and who pulled me out of the dumps by telling me I hold them up when they are freaked out. Another good friend said it's not me but rather the total eclipse which screwed everything and everyone's moods here. It's true. Everything was wacky the past week.

the Bad - There was a mini-tornado in the Galilee. I was like - whoa! Kansas in Israel. There was flooding everywhere. I was late to work twice because of heavy flooding on the roads.

the Good - my daughter listening to me about wedding plans. I may even get to walk her down the aisle after telling her it disturbs me that I won't do the traditional "mama giving the bride away" trip down the aisle. Please don't take that away from me. And I think she won't.

Hectic life

My soon-to-be-married daughter is going job hunting. I saw a wonderful job offer in the papers - working for a blind professor.

"Honey, it'll be great. When it gets real hot in the summer in Jerusalem, and you just want to strip down - go right on ahead. He won't see a friggin' thing."

But she went ahead to agencies and is looking for a more run-of-the-mill job - lucky thing about her is that she can work in both Hebrew and English - not like her mom, who can't read and write properly in Hebrew.

Back at the ranch, my son has been just the regular teenage werewolf - imitating my voice, my sentences - I'd like to toss him out the window. But instead, I'm not coming home early for him. Let him learn to fend for himself at the tender age of 14 and rip himself away from the computer to open up a fucking can of tuna. I'm royally pissed off at him. But I've been having fun being away. On Sunday, there was a peace gathering at Eliyahu's house. He had just come back from a trip to Seville, Spain at a conference from Rabbis and Imams. He is neither, but does connect the two and knows pretty much all of the Israeli ones. You wouldn't believe the photos of all these Gazan and Palestinian Imams dancing with the Israeli rabbis. Incredible stuff and of course, this never makes the papers.

Last night I went to my debtor's anonymous meeting trying to figure out how on earth will I pay for this wedding. People there brainstorm after the meetings and give good advice. I got no advice at this Hebrew -speakers meeting, but was encouraged to go to the English meeting on Wednesday.

Back home that evening my Werewolf Son was fuming.

"I needed 20 shekels ($4.50) for the movies and a party at school tonight and you didn't come home early to give it to me."

I came home at 9:30 pm hoping he would go to sleep at 10:00 and I wouldn't have to deal. So I dealt the best way I knew how.

"You didn't call me at work. You could have and I would have told you to ask your sister to loan the money to you. Anyway, getting angry at me is an excuse for not going. You think you could have torn yourself away from the computer to go to a school party?"

Last time they had a party and dance at school, he came home after an hour, once the dancing started. Some stud he is.

And tonight, even though I feel like falling on my face, I'm going to the Women's Interfaith Group because a woman is presenting whom I thought would never ever be caught dead at these meetings. She is a very orthodox Jewish woman and a therapist and every time I approached her and told her what I'm into these days she's like "I don't wanna hear about it." Interfaith stuff between Moslems and Jews totally freaked her out.

So now I'm going to see why she is no longer freaked out and why she decided to do a workshop with these Moslem, Christian and Jewish women together. I'm exhausted but my curiosity about why people change their previous mode of thinking is getting the better of me.

The Women's Tent

I couldn't go because of my slave job. My boss wanted me to work on Friday which ruined my day off. The gathering sounded wonderful though and someone who was lucky enough to be there wrote about it. I'm printing excerpts here with her permission - dedicated to those who are pessimistic about co-existence....and for those who know it is possible.

My Experiences at the Women’s tent

The women’s tent occurred on Thursday-Friday 30-31st March.
500 Druze, Muslim and Christian Arab, Jewish, American, Australian, Italian WOMEN gathered for 2 days of sharing ,ceremony, workshops, singing, food, dance and togetherness.

Imagine a place filled with love. There are people from all over the world. All gathered, all dancing. Smiling sharing and singing. These are people I would not normally be in communication with. They are my sisters on the path to another world a place of peace where we can be one. For some hours on Thursday, 30 March, the day after the solar eclipse, we had that, we had a new world. It was for me a beautiful world.

To see the women there congregating all with love, all with open hearts, all wanting to give, to learn, to see, to be. G-d and the angels and the light where with us that day. They received, I think, our blessings and they received our intentions and looked on with love. In returned they showered us with love from above.

Our dreams can come true. On Thursday dreams turned into reality. On Thursday women hugged. Druze women, Arab women, Jews, Christians, Americans and Europeans. We were all there. We were all present and counted for. Each woman brought her self, her friends, her love and her faith. What ever her faith maybe. Each woman opened her heart. There were no borders. The love flowed. I believe that g-d witnessed this and g-d, or the g-d in each one of us, G-d took over.

The organizers worried before the event about organization. Will people get involved? Will people mix and will there be a connection? I witnessed this worry. I witnessed the opposite at the event. The love just flowed. When it was the time of the workshops everyone was involved. There was no one outside. It was a miracle. It was at it should be.

I felt so much warmth. I just wanted to hug everybody. The day was intense. There was the opening ceremony where we celebrated all faiths then we got up and danced and danced and felt the ecstasy that broke the borders of who we are (Jews, Druze, Arab, other) and opened our hearts so that as one we danced and sang and became a circle or a tribe of women with tears of joy in our eyes sharing and celebrating and embracing a wonderful moment of pure joy.

We ate together the delicious food of the Druze community – Canafe and humous, labane and pitta.

We circled, we joined in ceremony and then again we sang. Our voices filled space and rose above. The voices of angels.

We returned to our Druze host families. Exhausted and sated.

The next day we joined and in the fashion of containing, we shared our stories and our experiences.

We ended the event with a tour of Daliyat El Karmel. We learnt from the Druze a little bit about their history their culture and their beliefs.

I learnt that the more I give the more I receive. I opened my heart and gave and received so much at times I felt I could burst with love.

I am writing this because I feel so much hope in my heart that this is the way. This is the way of the new community and here we witnessed a glimpse of a possible future. A future that today’s reality could deem impossible but the hope in my heart shouts this is what can be. If we hold it in our hearts this IS possible, this can be. More and more circles all over the world and they are happening – in 6 continents in September women will gather and hold space. In august the Sulha where thousands of people – Arabs, Jews, Druze and friends for all over will gather for 3 days of talking circles, workshops , dancing and music. Where again borders will be broken down and the language of love and hope will be spoken. There are so many events so many places in Israel at this time for our hearts to open. I feel so grateful. Festivals, workshops, singing groups. There can be a new reality – it is already happening now.

Tanya Lyons

Doing it the American Way

I feel obliged to teach Israeli merchants the American way of business. It's enough that by living here things get all fucked up.

One example is that Hubby told me the other day that our drivers' license expired. I figured something was up - how would he have taken notice unless something horrible happened to make him take notice. We received a renewal form in the mail but he looked at it and said the licenses expire on June 3.

"How do you kow it expired?" I asked.

"I got a ticket the other day"

Bingo. He probably read the friggin license renewal form backwards because it probably expired March 6 - being that Israelis show their days and months differently than North Americans. It shows up as 6/3/06. OK - so after 11 years in this country he STILL didn't get it.

Frustrated a bit by this misunderstanding, I walked into a store because they had stuff on sale and saw a dress suitable for my daughter's wedding. I tried it on and it looked absolutely lovely. No need for me to go to 100 stores to find something and make myself crazy. It's rare to find a dress nowadays that makes me look skinny. It was a shimmery copper dress. I loveto shimmer.

I told the saleswomen, and they probably heard this for the first time in their lives -

"I'm gonna teach you people about 'layaway'. Layaway is what people do in America when they want to buy something and not go into debt. They put a certain amount of money on it and it is theirs. You keep the dress until the entire amount is paid - it could take a bit but it will get paid."

"Israelis just use their credit card."

"Yup - they sure do. And my credit card is at its limit. No more debting for me."

She insisted on half the amount up front. I agreed. Wow! A breakthrough in Israeli retail. I'll have easy payment terms at no interest and look skinny at my daughter's wedding. How much better can it get?

Divine Retribution

I felt that God summoned me somehow through friends, etc. I've had 2 friends from the Old Country e-mail me - one with an urgent request to pray for his teenage son who was having brain surgery, the other was a request for a business to be good and plenty - they both wanted prayers at the Western Wall. I hadn't had a chance to ask anyone to pray for them, and figured, well - I'd better do this myself. It's probably because I'm asking God for some financial wedding help and He's saying - look kid - there's no free lunch. I need you to do something for me. So I did. I hadn't prayed at the Western Wall for years in fact. It actually felt wonderful when I did. I came in jeans but covered my head at the entrance. I recited several Psalms and continued and continued - I was probably there an hour. I felt a connection and that the prayers were heard.

But when I got home, all hell broke loose with my family - I wondered why I just didn't stay at the Western Wall overnight. I thought - could this be divine retribution for voting Labor? Hubby was sitting on the couch, like a stone, not a rolling stone - but a tough, unmoveable one - very sullen and morose. The Good Daughter came downstairs around 11:00 pm -

"How are you?"

"Leave me alone!" was her response.

The Complainer hadn't been home for days.

"I haven't seen you in three days! How are you."

"Shut up"

Fuck you too - kid.

But my teenage werewolve son was the worse of them all. He tormented me all evening.
He also played hookey from school yesterday. He was to be tested for learning disabilities at a specialist this morning.

"Buy me two slices of pizza. If you don't listen to me, I'm not going tomorrow." This sort of stuff went on for hours.

I told him if he doesn't go, I'll still have to pay for the testing which I will do from his bar mitzvah money and he'll just have $100 left.

My son, the bully. Not a Jewish mother's pride and joy. I closed the door and sobbed to a friend about my ungrateful, horrible family and said if this behavior continues, they can shop for the Sabbath and week by themselves and make the 10 course Sabbath meal they love to complain about, themselves as well. I'll hit the few late night coffee shops that are open on Friday night with a friend. That'll teach them to mess with mom.

More election stickers

 

Most did vote for the guy who is dangerous for the Jews. Time will tell if this is indeed the case.

I was reading about the guy who got electrocuted while climbing an electrical pole to put up a Labor poster while taking down a likud poster and wondered if this was a Divine Act against Labor voters. Then I'm up shit's creek, ain't I. 

election day

 

Just a couple of snaps about the elections I found about town in Jerusalem. This one hit it right on. 

Elections

It's always fun going to my dentist. Especially mine who makes me feel like I'm a freak of nature.

"Your sinuses are really low."

"Excuse me?"

He showed me my x-rays and pointed to a thin white line over my teeth. My tooth had been bothering me and he suspects allergies because it is olive-blooming season and with it, the pollen.

"When we went to classes for implants, they showed us a photo of someone with low sinuses that should be way up over the teeth - the sinus membrane would probably have to be lifted for the implant to take place. I thought 'I've never come across anyone with that problem' - until you came along."

Love you too, doc.

I had taken off a half-day sick to hear this and this made me feel even sicker.

Nonetheless, the next day was election day and all offices/banks/post offices were closed. My children in the waitressing industry all had to work though. Hubby went to finish up a job as well. It seems I am the matriarch of voting in my home. I have 3 children of voting age. Two didn't vote because they were working until all hours - but the Good Daughter was off work and wanted to vote with me for the first time.

"Who are you voting for?" she asked.

"Labor. It's the lesser of the 3 evils." I actually wanted to vote for the Pensioner Party or the Green Leaf party but didn't think voting for small parties would make a difference.

"Fine. I'll vote for labor too." Simple as that. Influence your non-thinking family. Hubby also opted for Labor because I said so. I wish fund-raising for my daughter's wedding should be so easy.

On to the polling station, teenage campaigners of different parties thrust papers in our faces.

"No, No, NO!" we told them and shook our heads at them as if we were famous and they were pestering us for autographs.

Voting was painless and provincial. Back to the non-computer age. You give your ID card to about 5 people sitting at a table who mark you off their list. They give you an official envelope and you go to your voting booth and stick a square piece of paper with the letters of the party you're voting for inside the envelope. Labor's letters, funnily enough were "Aleph, Mem, Tet - Emet" which means "truth". I hope so, but am pretty cynical of any political party standing for "truth".

Back home, my Good Daughter told me her new boyfriend voted for Jewish right-wing extremist Baruch Marzel.

"WHAT!!!!???" shrieked I.

"Don't worry mom. I'll change him." said she.

Saturday at the movies

A friend and I meet monthly on Saturdays to go see movies at the Smadar Theater in Jerusalem. Brokeback Mountain was playing - she wasn't crazy about seeing this movie, but I really wanted to see this and nothing else piqued my interest so we ended up seeing it today. We both really enjoyed this flick and pondered about it for hours afterwards at the Scottish Coffee shop.

"Could you imagine how many people must go through what these guys in the film went through?" I said to my friend, thinking of all the gay Moslems and Orthodox Jews who have to hide their secret from their communities and families.

Then we went through our dating history thinking about those boyfriends who could have been gay. Like the Irish/Italian dude I dated in the early 1980s who abhored homosexuals. I was working in the music industry and one of my colleagues was Elton John's former boyfriend. He had an assortment of very colorful friends. It pained me to see this boyfriend being such an asshole around my gay friends. So it got me wondering if he wasn't just suppressing his "feelings" by being so homophobic.

Then my friend told me she thought her ex-husband could have been gay. He had a magnetic attraction with men and when she wrote in her diary stuff about him that she detested, which he read like - "you're a shmuck, an asshole, an idiiot, you look like Frankenstein, you're a goy...etc." nothing bugged him except the "you're a goy" bit, because he thought she wrote "you're a gay." And he flipped out over that one - totally.

We laughed so hard over that story that the walls of the old Scottish Coffee Shop shook and thought - oh shit - these nice and quiet European hotel guests staying there had probably never witnessed American/Canadian Jewish females letting loose. I thought for sure, they're gonna come over and throw us out.

Then Tamer called. Poor Tamer. I had to tell him I'm putting all peace activities on hold until after the wedding. I simply have no time. I just have time for chaos and peace will have to wait. He seemed not to have heard me. He blabbered on.

"Can we meet on Sunday? Next Saturday I'm bringing all my friends to your house. Do you think you or your husband can get me a work permit? Do you think you can find me a wife? I think the person you tried to set me up with had many lovers...yada yada yada"

My head was spinning and I politely told him I had to go. To go and get him some ritalin.

And I knew I should not have eaten that Scottish Scone. How will I ever fit into nice mother of the bride clothing in 3 month's time?

Gypsy daughters

"Our daughter could be getting married as early as June" I told Hubby as he drove us home.

"Are you getting all stressed out about it?" he asked.

Not at all. In fact, I should be totally stressed. We have $200 saved up for this wedding, which should cost us a total of about $10,000. And we have 3 months to find this moolah. I should be screaming for HELP. I should be tearing my hair out. I should be telling my daughter to elope and forget about a real wedding because in reality, unless I win a lottery, we could only save $2,000 by then. But I feel strangely calm about all this. I don't know why. Perhaps it's my meatless diet or my macrobiotic diet. I know everything will fall into place. It always does somehow.

I did cry yesterday as I tossed out my leftover chicken, though. None of my kids were ready to eat chicken even though the health ministry has been telling everyone as long as you cook the chicken, even if the bird is infected with avian flu, the heat will kill the bacteria. But not trusting our government, believing that the chicken industry is probably too valuable for them to destroy or to compensate, we decided they were lying and we weren't going to eat chicken for a while. I guess I could have been also brought to tears because I had to cook yesterday's dinner instead of eating the leftovers, as is our custom on Sundays. It's too traumatic for me to begin my work week on Sunday AND have to cook dinner all on the same day. So it shouldn't be a total loss, we tossed the chickens to the street cats out in the back. There were 2 days worth of human dinners out near the garbage and the cats took to it gracefully.

Then my daughters came home last night early enough to grace me with a conversation. The Good Daughter broke up with her Romanian boyfriend of 4 years - she broke his heart but she wanted to "date" because she had never had that experience. He was her first boyfriend. She found some Persian guy she liked over the many others that have been calling her lately, who she favors over them all.

The Complainer broke up with her Persian boyfriend of 1 1/2 years because he cheated on her. He calls her all the time and pops over still. He is heartbroken too. She immediately fell into the arms of some other poor soul, whose family on his mother's side is in the Israeli Mafia. Wow. Now, we have connections. Hubby doesn't know this yet, but I'm sure he won't be so pleased. He'll blame it all on me going to my friend's messianic synagogue for Purim where I laughed at the Godfather parody during the reading of the Megillah. But the Complainer, in one of her wiser moments, told me - "We're not a perfect family either. Dad's brother is gay, does that mean we're all gay?"

Certainly not. I'm miserable. Just kidding. She did give me alot of pleasure though with that bright retort.

chicken little

With the bird flu in low swing in the Negev, my kid called me up frantic.

"No more chicken for me!" she claimed. Ah, another victory for the animal rights movement. Plus it will conveniently lower the costs of our hefty food bills.

What will I do with all the leftovers? Apparently it's ok to eat cooked chicken, not that I've ever served uncooked chicken.

Not to mention Hubby was totally antsy over the weekend.

"I had turkey all WEEK!!" he yelled at me - as if celebrating Purim by eating turkey was going to kill us all and, ironically, fulfill the wish of the evil Persian Haman.

He didn't even blast me for going to my friend's messianic congregation to hear the Megillah. I went out of sheer curiosity and thought, well, hell - how much can they figure Jesus into Purim? So I cringed a bit through some of the songs they sang before the Megillah reading which mentioned Yeshua the Messiah (as all traditional Jews do because it's, well, traditional to cringe) and sang along with them the Psalms and other stuff that stuck to the original text. They didn't read from a real parchment scroll but from xeroxed papers and it was more of a comedy show, which I really enjoyed rather than the more somber, traditional readings. The "3 Stooges" on stage who read this put on different hats to enact the various characters and everyone especially loved the Persian King Ahashverosh, who did a sephardic Marlon Brando-as-Godfather thing. Then they had a pot luck and I didn't eat much. I told my friend "I don't eat milk and meat together" (at least not in the same meal), because there was one dish with shredded cheese that I took.

Overhearing us was this Christian woman who immediately butted in "OH! That was a mistake. I'll take that cheese dish off right away.!"

She was truly upset at this mishap of the traditional Jewish way of not mixing meat and dairy dishes together. And I was touched by her sincerity.

The Genie

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook
myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years... I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable! "

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map again."

Would you believe

Who would have ever thought that in Israel, yes - with all its shysters - I would have gotten a call telling me that my husband is paying too much on his cellphone bill. Perhaps he would like to come in and switch to another program which would enable him to get a much lower rate per minute - cut by 75%!!! Well I'll be. I coralled Hubby one night just to get him over to the office to get it done. The cellphone company we're talking about is Orange. God bless Orange. Of course we waited at the wrong office - which was the sales office - not the service office, for 1 1/2 hours before we were told to go to the other office 2 minutes before closing time. Nothing here is absolutely perfect.

Purim Festivities

We're celebrating the holiday of Purim - maybe I'll get some nice photos to describe this holiday. Maybe not. Purim was celebrated by the rest of the world yesterday, but in Jerusalem, it is celebrated today.

In any case, I tried to have an interfaith gathering at my home yesterday which totally flopped. For one, Tamer from a West Bank village tried unsuccessfully to get a permit to get into Jerusalem. During the holidays, though, there is a total closure on the West Bank so that even people with permits do not get in. He complained to me that in general they won't give him a work permit because he isn't married, then asked me to find him a wife. Any single Moslem women out there? He doesn't even mind married an "International" - i.e. a non-Moslem. Somehow, I think he'd even prefer that over a local woman. But his calls are coming in to me daily, and he seems to be getting desperate to get some kind of work permit. They did give him one, finally, but only for 3 days after the holiday. Not much work you can find for just 3 days.

But the others did not come either - it is difficult to go outside Jerusalem - so it ended up being one person (Jewish) from the interfaith group and the rest from my neighborhood. I managed to buy and cook a turkey for the occasion, but I see that most Israelis do not. The bird just barely fit into my Israeli-made oven and it was only 7 kilo (15 lbs).

Our guests talked about the new meaning of Purim for us - that this holiday resulted because of a Persian anti-semite who wanted to destroy the Jews, but miraculously the Jewish queen Esther saved the day. Haman, the Hitler of that day, descended from the tribe of Amalek, and there is a biblical commandment to stamp out Amalek. Unfortunately today, we each think the Other is Amalek and attempt do everything that can be done to "stamp" the Other out (Although I do think the current Iranian nuctcase president is a close relative to this tribe of Amalek). But we are told to "blot out the memory of Amalek" - because if none of us really check ourselves, we can become this "amalek-type" being and just wish for the Other's annihilation. Now that we are in Israel, and relatively safe in our land (which we share with the Other), it would be good to really blot out the memory of Amalek so we could live peacefully with one another.

good people of jerusalem

After getting a new cellphone yesterday, I spotted a new Yemenite restaurant in the premises of what used to be a really good Chinese restaurant in the industrial section of Talpiot on the corner of the Rav Chen mall. The Hong Kong lady went back to China after 10 years of business here. I didn't have much money on me,and hell - it was my 23rd anniversary - which I did not celebrate with Hubby who is acting like someone you do not want to celebrate a wedding anniversary with. I had $4 on me (the shekel equivalent, anyways - who carries US $ around here?). I ordered melawach (a fried puff-pastry pancake like thing) and yemenite tea from the owner. He insisted his melawach is not what I get in the stores - his is bigger and hand made. He served it to me with crushed tomatoes and a bright green hot paste. I wanted to know what level "hot" it was - if a Yemenite tells you it's a little hot, watch out. It's extremely hot. If he tells you it's not hot at all, it's probably a bit spicy.

"This isn't spicy at all."

Wonderful.

I slabbed it on my melawach and it was just spicy enough to get my nose running.

He noticed me looking at my change - I had just enough for the meal.

"You don't have to pay me now. You can come in next week if you want to."

Huh? How many restaurant owners give you that choice.

"You're a new business. How do you expect to make a living here, if you're going to trust that everyone will come in a week later and pay you?" I asked him.

He rolled his eyes upward and pointed to heaven. "It's all up to God" he told me.

I left him a small tip, which he handed back to me and told me not to waste my money. Wow.

Meet the Fockers

Well it seemed like we were in that movie anyways - two families, same religion, but totally different cultures. My daughter first thought that just the mother of the groom-to-be would be coming to meet us on Saturday night. That's all I invited. But then she informed me that his two sisters with their husbands are coming too. HELP! I had 1 1/2 hours to get it all together - tuna salads and egg salads with garnishes (I am proud of my garnishes), as well as sparkling wine, fruit salad, apple pie and cheese cake and assorted Moroccan pastries. The table looked lovely, and I was so nervous.

Moments before they came my Good Daughter and Son were having a go on my nerves.

"MOM! He just farted by the cheesecake!"

Ahhh true Osborne-like behavior. Let them get it out of their system now before the guests come, rather than during their visit.

Then they walked in. With bouquets of flowers so big that if the spies from the time of Moses would have seen those, they surely would have reported those mothers back to him - never mind those man-size grapes. They also brought a huge gift basket, and a bottle of Chivas. Wow. What's up with all that?? It's normal for people coming from Arab countries (even Jews) to be extremely generous when it comes to celebrating. Not like us cheap Westerners.

Most understood English except for my daughter's future mom-in-law. Hubby could only relate in English and we talked in both languages and everyone seemed friendly. The men in the family were staunch right-wingers and asked me who I was voting for. Well I won't tell them - Labor party. That might ruin the engagement. I opted for the middle. "Kadima of course".

"YOU CAN'T VOTE KADIMA!! YOU MUST VOTE SHAS. THE LAND OF ISRAEL. WE ARE ALL RIGHT WING HERE!"

There. Vote Shas - the Sephardic ultra-orthodox party - and enter heaven. But it was a friendly yell. I really didn't think, by the end of the night, they really gave a shit who I vote for.

Hubby was telling them about his favorite synagogue which is 1 hour away. We were thinking - is he going to tell them about our favorite Reform synagogue. Now? Can't he wait until AFTER the kids are married to irritate the Orthodox in-laws? But he never elaborated further. I wondered if they noticed my book on Islam on prominent display on my bookshelf?

The Wedding Planner

Eldest Daughter and her future Hubby have not yet set a date - but are doing so within the next few days. She doesn't want something in Jerusalem, but wants a nice place outside the city.

Sure. Why not inconvenience all your guests who have to get car rides for this event.

"She's young. She wants a fairy-tail wedding" said my friend from work. Trouble is, she doesn't have a fairy godmother.

The internet wasn't working at home this entire week and frustrated, she told me to look for wedding places on the internet for her.

"I can choose them for you?"

That could be dangerous. Our tastes are similar, yet different. She doesn't like hippie-type, weddings-in-nature, weddings-in-antiquities-sites places. I do. But knowing she doesn't, I didn't bother printing those. There were a ton of places in the Tel Aviv/Herzlyia area which looked like high-tech wedding halls, with Japanese Chupahs (wedding canopies used in Jewish weddings). Ugh. Too high tech, very non-romantic. The places by the ocean looked lovely. I printed out those for her.

Then there were these pastoral places with streams and rivers running through them. I printed those out but imagined the mosquitos would be having more of a feast than the wedding guests in the summer.

There were a couple of beautiful places near Jerusalem, overlooking the mountains. I hope she picks one of those. It'll be far less humid and there'll be fewer mosquitos.

And these types of things to take note of are pretty much what I'm good at, not to mention for selfish and practical reasons, I'd prefer it to be close to Jerusalem.

Pass that Sperm please

One of the funniest things I read in the papers yesterday morning, that made me spit out my de-caf coffee laughing away, was that murdered prime minister killer, Yigal Amir, was caught smuggling sperm to his wife in jail.

You wonder - how did they catch him?

How did they try and smuggle it. orally? with his dinner? in a cup? spoon? a handshake?

Wonder what the conversation like between the guards who caught him and his wife.

This is true fodder for Jay Leno.

Guard: Can I see that?

Amir: See what?

Guard: What you just passed to your wife.

Amir: It's just phlegm. I got this awful cough, see?

Guard: You're passing phlegm to your wife?

Amir: She's into holistic shit and all that. She'll test it and see what I have.

Guard: Test it! That's what we're afraid of. No one's testing that. Gimme that!

He grabs ahold of the cup/spoon or whatever. Larissa tries to take it back - screaming "My baby! My baby!" It goes all over the guard's face. The guard is like - fuck! That shit tastes awful!

But they won't print that scenario in the papers.

Visitors from the Old Country

I spent the morning telling everyone at work that my daughter was "Arusa" which means "engaged" in Hebrew, being careful not say that my daughter was "Harusa", which means "destroyed" - although that could be interchangeable once they marry, non?

Last night, though, we were invited to dinner with friends from Canada who were here on a visit. I ran over to them, and was happily met with

"Wow! Did you get a face lift or something. Have you been sleeping with other men?"

Canadians.

Walking to the restaurant, the elated tourists from the Great White North, looked at me seriously.

"What happened to you."

"Whaddya mean?"

"We hear you're into this Peace Now stuff. How COULD you!! You used to be so right wing!!"

Always at a loss for how to start off conversations like these, I said whatever words flew into my head at that moment.

"Look, I'm just tired of all the hate and violence. I want to live in a place where there isn't any of that. So I get together as often as possible with a group of people that have that vision too."

"Don't you know you can't trust any of them?"

"I thought just like that too. Remember."

"Well, we don't live here and don't know everything going on."

"Exactly. There's no simple solution to all the problems. But having little faith in either government, I have alot of faith in people. We'll get it going somehow."

My friends still seemed horrified. They are thoroughly for transferring the entire Arab population in Israel to other Arab countries.

"How can you do that to people who have been here hundreds of years who have roots here?" I said, equally as horrified.

She refused to believe Arabs have roots here. Same story. Many Arabs also refuse to believe WE have roots here. But we have to realize both our people do and respect each other for it. Whatever.

We sat down to eat and drink and be merry. This is the Jewish month of merriment, after all. And I had countless drinks of Japanese sake.

"You heard Wolfgang Droege got shot last year?" asked our friend. Wolfgang was a notorious White Supremist in the 1980s in Toronto. Hubby's gay brother befriended the rather lonely racist and Wolfgang eventually tried to get out of his evil ways, finding it difficult to find legitimacy - because it's hard when you're marked as a racist for people to grasp that sometimes even THEY can change.

"Well, why do you think he got out of being a white supremist? Don't you think the friendship between his new Jewish friend and himself was a bit of a factor there?"

In that restaurant not only was there an abundance of food to stuff ourselves with, but also an abundance of food for thought.

Fishing for Diamonds

I woke up on my day off on Friday at 6:00 am ready to do the morning's shopping at 7:00 am when the store opens, to avoid the mad pre-Sabbath rush. My Eldest daughter had just gotten home from work, but told me she was going fishing with her Tunisian boyfriend in Herzliya.

"Fishing for diamonds?" I asked jokingly because they had been discussing getting married.

She didn't answer, but made the guy wait 1/2 hour while she got ready.

"You're already dressed, what is it you have to prepare for - you're going fishing - for god's sake."

Hubby had his ciggie outside with the boyfriend. After they left Hubby walked back in the house.

"He showed me the ring."

"What ring?"

"A diamond ring he bought for her. It's a pretty nice size too"

Oh Shit. I just asked her if she was gonna go fishing for diamonds. She'll probably tell him I said that and it'll ruin the morning!"

We assumed either the guy will stick the diamond in with the shrimp bait or inside the fish's mouth and have her fish the ring out.

I spent the morning with a friend I hadn't seen in years, to get caught up on old gossip from my high tech job. On the way there, I was thinking about the ring and if he was indeed going to give it to her today. I was smiling to myself on the bus, and didn't give a shit if people thought I was insane or not.

Funny thing was - my friend and I are both in our 50's and had more than one senior moment.

"Do you remember what's his/her name, that sat next to you?"
"What was the name of the red head there"
"There was a guy on the plane I met who married someone from there. They worked together."

We laughed over our chocolate mint teas, because after 15 minutes or so, the names eventually came to us.

Hubby picked me up at noon to go shopping. I got a call while in the store.

"Hi Mommy"

"Hi sweetie. Catch any big fish today?"

"Yeah, two!"

"Wow! Great. When are you coming home?"

"I'm already home and want to show you the ring I got!"

"what ring?"

"A diamond one."

"You mean it's official? I can go around telling all my friends, and everyone at work? It's been so difficult keeping this all secret you know!"

"Please make it home fast, because we want to go to his mother's house now before the Sabbath."

Well, folks, one never saw me rush through the store as quickly as I did that day. I pulled things off the shelves so fast, everything I touched went flying all over the place - chips, paper plates, cups - I don't even remember if I bothered to pick anything up from the floor. I whizzed through that place like a tornado and couldn't deal with shopping carts in my way.

I truly believe Hubby was more pleased at me running through the store in record breaking speed than he was at our daughter's engagement.

I called my brother while I was waiting on line.

"My daughter's got a ring!"

"What kind of ring. A nose ring?"

"Funny."

"Wow. Far out (he still uses 60's lingo)"

"Is he a kippa wearer?"

"He is actually. He's Shabbat observant and wants her to do the same, but isn't asking anything else from her."

Bro' was absolutely thrilled about that, and I think his being a "kippa wearer" even brought us all a notch up in his book. I had to laugh because it wasn't

"Is he nice? Does he treat her with respect? Does he make a decent living?"

But to my family wearing a kippah, is above all, a first pre-requisite. I always used to argue about this with my folks 30 years ago when I'd see criminals in the newspaper, dressed in Hassidic garb, going to jail for fraud, etc.

"Bet you'd haved like me to marry one of those, eh? Kippah wearers and all."

At the house, I did my ooohing and ahhing over her ring and kissed the future bride and groom, taking the first photos of the couple together.

When they left Hubby asked "Do you think he's the right guy for her?"

"Look, he's met our family quite a few times and he STILL wants to marry her. Of course, he's right for her."

TV repair guy

They cost a fortune, but my Eldest Daughter offered to pay for fixing the dvd. I wasn't sure whether she meant hers or ours, but our 12 year old tv is just viewed in red technicolor on some stations, our dvd doesn't open on command, the Eldest daughter's dvd plays background noise but no voices are audible.

He wasted no time and immediately put me to work.

"Get me the Sony remote."
"Huh? I haven't used it in years." I remember seeing it once in one of our closets and sure enough it was still there, however dusty. He futzed around with it and told us we had a 92% chance of it being fixed and then it may last 5 years, maybe 6 months. But it would cost us $125 nevertheless.

"there's red, blue and green in the screen. If the green and blue are weak, the red is predominant" he tried to explain to me in Hebrew.

My son was horrified and didn't want to part with the tv tonight. A soccer game was on this evening. I didn't want to part with $125 so we put this repair on hold and will continue to see red until we're able to afford the repair or a new tv.

He went up the stairs past all the dirty undies lying on the steps from assorted members of the family to have a look at my Eldest Daughter's dvd player.

"Can you go downstairs and get me a flashlight?"

"Sure" I don't mind the exercise of trudging downstairs and back up again.

"Could you call your daughter now and find out where her warranty is?"

I called her. I am not only a slave at work, I'm a slave to my tv technician. But she was working and couldn't speak. We found the papers next to the tv, but no receipt, and it's newly bought.

"Could you look for her receipt?"

I poured through her piles of papers in her closet and told the tech guy -

"Look. I'm really uncomfortable looking through her stuff. I never look through her stuff. What if I find something I don't want to see like drugs or condoms?"

At that moment her sister walked in the room.

"You found condoms?" she asked.

"No honey, I was just joking" fearing a sibling war was about to erupt if this conversation continued.

There was a pile of shit in her closet - notes, bank statements, phone numbers of people, photos, business cards, but no receipt.

I found a delivery slip for the tv stand which the tv guy grabbed from my hand. He shrieked at me

"They charge 250 SHEKELS ($50)extra for delivery over the green line??? THEY CHARGE 250 SHEKELS EXTRA FOR DELIVERY OVER THE GREEN LINE???"

He looked awfully scary getting all red-faced and worked up over the small print. I'm glad I didn't work for that outfit. He would have floored me.

"She didn't pay more than 50 NIS for delivery" I assured him. That calmed him down somewhat.

"You'd think that in Tel Aviv, they'd write something like this, but from a store in Malcha Mall in Jerusalem??? What nerve!!"

I called my daughter.

"Where is your receipt? I need it before the technician makes me look through every room in the house. I'm tired. I don't want to work for him!"

"I paid in cash. I didn't get a receipt."

"WHAT!?? How will you have a warranty without a receipt?"

She figured she'll never need to worry about a warranty, and not have to have unnecessary papers clogging her already clogged up room.

The technician saw my weary face.

"Don't worry. That's happened before. I'll make them give it to you. She'll tell me where she bought the dvd and I'll call them up and make them fax the receipt to you. That's what I do."

And for this I pay him the big buckos.

Is it safe to go back there now?

I just read this post from On The Face and they've gone to Ramallah to do some fine dining. Hmmmmm. Plus they seem no worse for the wear there.

Now a few weeks ago, when French-Canadian filmmakers filmed me for a documentary, they said they had gone to Ramallah the day before. All the Palestinians there mistook them for Israelis and began to speak Hebrew to them. In fact, they were really warm to them, believing they're Israeli. That's not the kind of reaction I expected from Ramallians. All I could remember and all most Israelis could remember is that awful lynching during the Intifada, and many of us have steered clear of this place since.

So have things changed? Frankly, I would love to go for a visit.

Spring time

 

It's not an almond tree. I haven't been able to stop and photograph the almond trees that are all blooming at the moment. My mother-in-law in Toronto says it is still freezing over there. Ha. Well, my lemon tree and these daisy-like flowers, whatever they are, are blooming in my garden. I'll take these over Canada any end-of-February. 

miracle sponge

 
It's not very clear, because I couldn't focus. Just wanted to share this unique thing here. Got this gift from Bridges To Peace. The blurb says this miraculous sponge was created by a Japanese Christian lady who loves Israel. I haven't used it yet, because it is supposed to work without soap. I'm not sure my superclean kids would be thrilled at me using this non-soapy thing, however, miraculous it is. More miraculous would be my children washing the dishes with this sponge or without it. 

Knorr Wars

I don't know if there is Knorr outside of Israel - I'm sure there is. But they have lovely soup mixes and many varieties of them. I yelled at the minimarket store owner up the street who was selling Knaidel mixes (dumpling mix) for chicken soup at a rip-off price of $3 a pack. I saw them at Rami Levi supermarket for $1 and told him so.

"They're not Knorr" he insisted. "They're selling the cheaper versions."

"I'm sure it was Knorr"

Sure enough, on Friday I checked and it was Knorr. I took 2 of them off the shelves so I could "give it" to the minimarket guy up the street. Who was he to tell me he knew better.

On Friday, too, I ended up buying an alarm clock for my son, who has been coming late to school. Partly my fault, because we leave for work before he needs to wake up. I went to all the stores and then bought an expensive one for over $10 because it had the loudest, most annoying ring. An alarm clock that won't fail for sure. My daughter got annoyed at me for buying it.

"You bought it because it looks nice. There were much cheaper ones. Why couldn't you get those? That's what bothers me about you."

On the way back she pointed to a car she liked. A Bem Veh.

"A WHAT?" Even Hubby who knows about cars couldn't figure out what a Bem Veh was. Then she pointed it out.

"It's a friggin' BMW. And she's calling it a Bem Veh (Israelis don't pronounce "w"'s). Hey kid, that's what bothers me about YOU!"

Jah Bless

I was wondering what it would be like to be in a state of Jah Bless. Actually, I saw this name from someone who was posting in the Hippie email forum called Rainbow Mid-East. So he or she is jobless but feels blessed from God (the reggae form is written Jah) at the same time. And I am a slave - starting at work at 7:30, not having regular lunch breaks, except when I rack up the nerve to tell my bosses I'm having a break, but only on those rare pressure-less days. And then, not getting out of work until 5:00 pm. I wonder what it would be like to be Jah Bless. But then I'd be frightened of not having that monthly paycheck which pays for rent and other sundries like my multi-focals, the dentist, the orthodontist, the cable tv, internet, etc.

At the macrobiotic Nabe party I went to - not a party for chocaholics or alchoholics certainly. This is where you sit around a table where there is a broth boiling and you boil many kinds of veggies one by one and eat them together - the Queen of Macro in Jerusalem pointed out proudly that she never held a 9 to 5 job in her life. She gets her money from what she loves doing - healing, counselling, teaching the macrobiotic way of life. Plus she lives in a beautiful country home 20 minutes from Jerusalem. That is living.

And my kids are as confused as I was at their age. The oldest may not go to university or she may decide to study some kind of business administration. The 2nd one has the brains for university and the grades, but has no clue what to study. There's no liberal arts here, where you study a variety of things and then you decide what you like best. Here you have to decide first and then study for it.

I want better for my kids. I don't want them stuck in a state of job/salary slavery. I would love for them to be fearless while they're young and without the heavy responsibility of family and go for it. But they haven't a clue yet what to go for.

Hamastan

ugh. The name worries me. The whole thing worries me. On Saturday night, someone in our town got stabbed while walking his dog, and a terrorist organization claimed they did it. This caused frantic calls to the mayor to hurry and build the fence and wall around us quicker and for better security checks at our entrance.

My son went to his party tonight, and for the first time in 10 years I was worried at him walking alone to this girl's house. I haven't been worried since I left Toronto at kids roaming around by themselves, as they all do here. But the world is changing here. Our world is changing.

I got an e-mail from an English friend who got an e-mail from her Bible-thumping friend. It was a worrisome e-mail.

"VERY URGENT ...for your prayers!*


Below is an email from Labib who is the executive secretary of the Arab Bible Society in Israel and gives details regarding current threats upon the Gaza Bible Society. Some solid brothers and sisters of the Lord are working there to share the good news of God's amazing love. They need a supernatural intervention!


Dear Friends I have just received a call from Jerusalem and Gaza informing
me that this morning we have received another very serious threat. Few
masked and armed militants distributed fliers around the area where the
Bible Society's centre is located in Gaza this morning.

The flier included the following:

A threat to the landlord that if he does not evict us by the 28th of Feb they will blow up the whole building

A warning to the tenants in the building that they should leave before that date if we are still there

A warning for us that we should completely close down our operation in Gaza and not to try to relocate as we are being watched closely

Accusations that we spread a doctrine against Islam and that we
are a Crusaders' evangelistic operation supported by the Crusaders' West

A strong worded warning about their seriousness proved by the bomb
which they blew up at the door of the Bible Society last week.

Our team in Jerusalem and Gaza are taking two lines of action:

Calling upon the Lord and claiming the blood of Jesus upon the team
and the neighbors and the building Informing all the security offices responsible and also copying the office of the Palestinian President Mr. Mahmoud Abbas


Calling upon the Church through all of you to lift us up before the Lord as we want to hold in balance:

Trust in the Lord and His protection

Not giving in to the threats of the enemy

An attitude of responsibility towards the safety of the team, and our Muslim neighbors who are terrified by this threat, the landlord came to the
Bible Society centre and demanded that we should close for a while!

Please pray for us. .

"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem for who knows whether you have been brought
to the kingdom for such a time as this." Psalm 122:6 and Esther 4:14

Spring is here

You felt it in Jerusalem today. You even see it on the beautiful almond trees, as they bloom (pictures to come tomorrow). I even dared to ask my bosses if I can take an hour for lunch, as it was such a beautiful day. I felt like Oliver Twist asking for a second morsel. Hardly anyone here takes advantage of the newly instated thanks-to-me lunch break, and it's awful. I took a walk down Emek Refaim to the New Age bookstore Olam Qatan, and was treated to chai, as soothing Indian music blared from the speakers. This bookstore stocks up on the most wonderful ethnic music you'll ever hear, as well as some unusual books.

And Spring is in the air, heralding changes with the kids at home. they're all turning to me for help. My son has a birthday party - this time it's a girl's birthday party, and being he was in an all boys' class since he was in third grade, and 7th grade in his secular school is mixed, he hasn't a clue what to give this fair maiden and enlisted me to buy her a gift. I opted for an orange-scented Kassel candle, wrapped up beautifully. He was happy at my choice.

Yesterday the Complainer, cried on my shoulder as she broke up with her boyfriend of nearly two years. He immediately found another girl and she was hysterical - not about the breakup - but because of the "other" woman.

"couldn't he just wait a bit until he started dating?" she cried bitterly.

"Even if you're married 20 years" I told her, "even if the guy is a real prick, the minute a couple gets divorced, it's the guy who immediately finds a woman." Lord knows why this is so, but it is so - as it has happened to many of my friends. And the poor women are left with no one. At least no one normal.

I asked her why she broke up with him.

"I didn't like the way he treated me. I told him if he doesn't change, I can't see him anymore."

"Honey, never wait for them to change. They never do."

And she hugged me, while her tears dripped down my back.

Turkey Testicles

 

I kid you not. There they were in full regalia at my local supermarket. I was the first person there at 7:00 am on Friday - feeling that the supermarket was mine exclusively and everything in it. Even this. The Arab men behind the meat counter, who have been teaching me chicken parts in Arabic, didn't find selling these things amusing. Even when I pulled out my camera to take a picture.

One of them spoke English to me. The one, with the university degree from Ber Zeit U.

"They don't sell these things in Canada?"

"Absolutely not. They probably wouldn't let them off the plane."

"Not even these?" he pointed at the chicken hearts.

"Not even those."

"But the livers yes." Of course, they sell livers.

I had hoped I wasn't offending them by taking a photo of their wares. But they gathered together watching me.

"You know in our tradition, it's good luck for us to see the first customer of the morning!"

I asked "Good luck for you? Or good luck for me?" thinking how lucky could I get to get a glimpse of a full tray of turkey testicles.

Oh, and I never did bother to ask them how to say "turkey testicles" in Arabic.

 

This week in Review.

I had been so busy at work this past week, that it was impossible for me to post, and as impossible was wrestling the computer away from my son who is 14 years old today. He wanted us to let him take off school tomorrow morning to have breakfast with us. He refuses to invite friends over for a small pizza/ice cream party and a video of his choice tonight. What a geek. But he's been suspended twice from school this week, so the luxury of skipping yet a third day of class is definitely out. The most I will do is brunch when he gets out of school on Friday.

"What is brunch?" he asked.

Fine. He doesn't know all the words in the English language so I told him - "It's breakfast and lunch together."

But what is the excuse for my nearly 22-year-old daughter who asked me this morning "What is a Dalai Lama".

These kids do not read anything except subtitles in videos.

I explained in less than 5 minutes who he was. He is in Israel now for a few days, and I tried to get tickets to his lecture tomorrow a few weeks ago, but it was already sold out. I could camp out like I would have at a Stones concert for any extra tickets from people who can't make it, but Friday is a difficult day for me to travel to Tel Aviv. If I would have a like-minded spiritual partner in Hubby, he would have gladly taken me to Tel Aviv and back after the buses stop running on the Sabbath. But given his stresses these days, I'm not even going to ask.

Hubby and I went out last night - as a 50th birthday gift from my boss - to the luxurious Canela restaurant in Jerusalem. It is fine dining at its best. My boss talked to me about this for weeks now and raved about the place with orders for me.

"You have to ask about their specials before you order"

"You have to have some wine. Which wine do you like?"

This is akin to asking me about cars. I know zippo about either. Hubby always asks me "What car does she drive? What car does he drive?"

"I dunno. It's red/black/white with 4 wheels."

I can tell if it's a 4 seater or a 7 seater, a two-door or a four-door - but that's my limit. The same with wine. I am not a connoisseur. I know there is red wine, white wine and that Merlot is quite popular amongst the red wines for a fancy dinner out. That's the extent of my wine knowledge. Oh yeah, and there are the semi-drys too.

"And you have to try the desserts" was my Boss's last order. He had arranged to pay for the entire meal including the tip.

Far be it from me to stray from his requests. One doesn't want to get fired. He may even call to check to see if I got there in time, and ask what I ordered. No kidding there.

Hubby was a grumpy as whatever grumpy character you can think of (because I can't think of any at the moment, except Scrooge does come to mind), when he came to pick me up from work.

"Can't you be thankful for the gifts you get?" I asked. Even though it was MY gift, he did have an equal share in it.

Fortunately, when we got there, his attitude shifted, as we were pampered by attentive restaurant staff.

We ordered -

Fois Gras
Salmon sashimi with citrus sauce
Entrecote steak
Duck breast in rasperry sauce and chestnut puree
I had Merlot and Hubby had a shot of Chivas Regal.
We shared a sinful chocolate dessert with caramelized bananas.

Hubby also was ignorant in some stuff too.

"What's foie gras"

"That's what you're having for an appetizer." Of course I wanted it too, and he does like liver - after all, eating liver is a very Jewish thing.

"This is the Rolls Royce of livers" I told him, showing off that I knew something about cars - especially luxury cars.

We got to talk over dinner, which most people married over 20 years usually do not do. One of my daughters is dating someone quite seriously. I told Hubby her boyfriend is Tunisian.

"What's a Tunisian"

I rolled my eyes. Why must I always explain these things to all the dimwits in my family? It is perfectly ok to be ignorant in wine and cars, but nothing else.

"He's North African. There are Morrocans, Algerians and Tunisians. He's one of them."

Plus his mother is good to my daughter.

And it felt strange and even more wonderful to walk out of that restaurant without having to pay for that meal. The other patrons, who may have noticed us not getting a bill and not paying and not leaving a tip must have thought we were restaurant reviewers (or criminals??).

Birthday kid

We have a slew of birthdays this month. Man, do I hate February. On Saturday it was the Complainer's birthday. She turned 18. Old enough to vote. Old enough to move out of my house, since she likes nothing about living here with us old folks. I wanted to take her out to the movies yesterday - just a mother/daughter outing. I thought either Brokeback Mountain or Mrs. Henderson Presents, at my favorite theater in Jerusalem - where one could chug a beer, sip a hot cider, eat an entire meal right inside the theater.

She woke up at noon.

I approached her cautiously.

"Wanna see a movie with me later today?"

"NO. LEEMEE ALONE!!! SHUT UP!!"

Fuck you, kid. That's no way to get a birthday gift.

Two hours later, I took my traditional Sabbath afternoon nap.

The door opens.

"Mom?"

It's the 18 year old Beast.

I retaliate.

"Get out of here!!! Don't wake me up. OK!???"

Later that evening when I roll out of bed, I confronted the Complainer, who was complaining about no one doing anything, or getting her anything for her birthday. Even her boyfriend avoided her today.

I explained - "You wanted me to buy you a ring. I can't buy you a ring, because I don't know what fits you. For that you have to come with me. And you had your chance to go out with me today but you were totally rude."

"I DID want to go out but not right when I woke up! I went into your room to tell you I wanted to go out."

"Great! You wanted to tell me that WHILE I was asleep."

I'm thinking this girl has as much sense as Paris Hilton.

Today at work, one of the secretaries interrupts my meeting.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but your daughter is on the phone crying. She doesn't feel well."

I called her to find her sounding worse than a 500 year old frog. With her whining she sounded even worse than that. Her throat is sore and burning and can I make an appointment with the doctor? Sure, what else can a mother do?

I told her if she feels better, she can stop by my work and we could go and pick out a ring in one of the boutique shops in German Colony. And suddenly, as if the throat genie came visiting, her voice changed back to her Princessy self.

"See you at 4!"

Yeah.

Day at the Spa

My Eldest Daugher treated Hubby and I for our birthdays with a choice of either a weekend at the Dead Sea for last weekend or a day at the Regency Hotel Spa in Jerusalem. Of course, being the kind of mother who wants to train her daughter in "honoring your mother and father", I chose the more expensive choice - the weekend away, but by the time Hubby made his choice, it was already too late for the weekend away. We were satisfied with the day at the spa including having either reflexology or Swedish massage. Hubby was stressed that week, and I thought a spa would be good for him to relax and get his mind away from things irking him.

Daughter called me - "Dad doesn't want to take the treatments offered him. I told him 'you're an idiot!' it comes with the price of the package." I told her to just book him in for reflexology. He doesn't like massages but does like his feet rubbed.

"With a woman or a man" asked Daughter.

"With a woman. He likes women."

"What about for you - would you like a massage with a woman or man"

"I'll take a woman because if the guy is cute, I don't need to be breathing heavy in the room alone with him."

"MOM!!!"

Sorry kid. Even over-50 year old women feel this way too. Even if they're your mothers. Next time she'll know not to ask me those kinds of questions.

The day began with breakfast after spa check-in. The breakfast was ok - but there was no freshly squeezed orange juice, which gave it a minus over restaurant breakfasts/brunches. I enjoyed the selection of dried fruits, ful (fava beans) and chick peas over humous with scallions, aside the usual breakfast fare.

Then we walked around the hotel's balconies admiring the view of Jerusalem. We had our respective treatments at the spa, where we lounged in our fluffy white robes. Hubby felt totally rejuvenated at the "professional" attending to his feet.

We're not used to being pampered and having a day of leisure on a Friday with nothing to do. Friday is a usually action-packed day full of shopping and errands, which we put aside today.

The Turkish Hamam was lovely but not as hot as it should have been. Hubby opted for swimming while I took advantage of the gym and Core Conditioning class where they worked on stomach muscles. Then there were the separate women's and men's wet and dry saunas. I had never tried the steam room sauna before and found it frightening at first. When the steam came out of the shower head above, I freaked out and had an awful Holocaust-type thought - perhaps because I do believe in one of my last lives I was a Holocaust victim. I wonder how the elderly holocaust-survivor women take to that sauna? It was creepy, but after talking to the one woman sitting there who noticed my panic, she calmed me down by telling me it takes a few minutes to get used to. I breathed slowly and said - this is the Regency hotel spa not Auschwitz, I felt better and let the steam do its magic on me, opening up my pores and letting the toxins out and man, do I have toxins.

Hubby was feeling amorous after our 6 hours there and walking up the steps to our home, he was like - How would you like to have some 'humdillala' tonight - poking fun at the Arabic expression of "Thank God". (Hope this doesn't cause any riots because Hubby makes fun of all religions equally). Looking up I see my Eldest Daughter's boyfriend there, hoping he didn't catch any of Hubby's endearments or at least hoping he didn't understand any of it.

They were preparing to go to his mother's home for the weekend. This is the first time she is going to be staying there.

"Please help the mother tonight with the dishes and serving." I called out from the kitchen window at my daughter who was racing down the steps. Her boyfriend was already in the car. She shot me a glance again.

"MOM!"

"I don't want them to think you're lazy." I was panicking in case she didn't lift a finger in their house and it would be known to them, what is known to us.

"Please don't forget to help out. Lie if you have to!!" I thought I gave good advice. And I slammed the kitchen window shut.

A Friend's Bar Mitzvah

I went to a friend's son's bar mitzvah yesterday morning. I had asked Mr. Boss for time off last week and he was upset because I only gave him a week's notice to take 4 hours off. So guiltily off I went.

A friend of hers came in especially from England. I was actually nervous about meeting her because she had given me her beautiful long-haired, calico cat to keep when she went back to England 3 years ago and a year later it got run over by a car. How was I to tell her this. Friends told me to lie to her and say "Wow the cat's great, etc." But I'm a terrible liar. Fortunately, either someone told her about the mishap or she forgot, because she never asked me about her cat.

Getting on to tradition - when the bar mitzvah boy is called up to read from the Torah, it is customary to throw candies at the kid. This is everyone's favorite part. You usually try to hit the kid in the face because of all the torment he gives his folks. No, that's not really why you throw candies, but it's the reason "I" throw candies. The real reason is that the Torah is sweet and you pelt him with sweetness. And then all the little kids scurry to pick them up from the ground. But yesterday, the little girls were dishing out to everyone Hershey's Kisses and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to throw to the kid. I turned around to my friend and said -

"I'm not throwing these. They're too good to throw and have all the bratty little kids scoop them up."

Behind me, I heard all the women express the same thing. No one was going to throw all those rare treats and waste them on children.

They're hard to get in Israel and if you do get them, they're expensive. So most of us took about 4 or 5 of them and stashed them for ourselves. When it was time to "pelt" only a few were thrown here and there. You saw most of us already with these goodies in our mouths. I saw one little kid with two handfulls, after he had collected them from the floor, run to his mom with the loot and put it in her bag. Too bad I didn't have a little kid to do that for me.

Jews Rock

Just got these links from Popbitch.


David Lazar - Jewish heavy metal artist, but sings off key some times. His musicians are great though, even though I don't often listen to heavy metal.

Then there is Jew Da Maccabi . I vote for him. I enjoyed this listen.

Lastly, there is a black Hassidic Jewish rapper . I haven't listened to all of it. Not my type of music, but he's cool. Real cool.

I remember a time not too long ago, when it wasn't cool to "look Jewish" on-stage. These guys trash that.....

TV time

My day was a bit hectic. The first thing that happend was that my Boss and I both showed up at work at the same time - 7:20 am. I always feel weird when I walk in with him so early in the morning. What will people think? Here - thank God - they know me well enough, but it would have set tongues wagging in the US, that's for sure.

And then everyone made fun of my green plastic bracelet from Seeds of Peace with Arabic writing on it and Hindi, Hebrew and English.

"You're wearing Green for Hamas!" they shouted at me. But we all laughed. I was actually able to make out some of the Arabic inscriptions and it really did say "Peace" and not "Kill the Jews" as my co-workers assumed it said on my bracelet. Those Arabic courses did come in handy.

Hubby and I were watching Coretta King's funeral last night. When Bill Clinton stepped up to speak, we were astounded at the ovation Clinton got. I kind of had a feeling that George Bush, sitting behind him, was just a wee jealous at the love that everyone has for the former president.

"People love him because he cheated on his wife" piped in Hubby. He has a bit of a point there. Clinton was your regular guy, a former pot smoker, liked rock music, played saxephone, cheated on his wife, the kind of guy you'd see at the local pub, someone you'd feel comfortable talking to. Nothing pompous at all about him.

Of course, in office now, is a cowboy with a "we'll git 'em" attitude, reeking of religious right and Texas oil. It's not what most people in the US are about.

And we were laughing at Hilary nodding away at everything her husband said - she looked like one of those bobbing head dogs in the back of cars.

Tonight the Israeli talk show host,Yatzpan was poking fun of Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak, speaking in mock Arabic, saying "because of the cartoon, we'll burn down all of Europe!" The audience roared with laughter. Yikes. This isn't funny. I'm afraid I won't be able to invite some of my Palestinian friends over for some Danish butter cookies.

It's all in the karma

For days I've been reading about the Danish embassy being torched in Damascus, other embassies in Arab countries in danger, protests world-wide by Arabs and the European Union offices in Gaza being mobbed because of an offensive caricature of the Prophet Mohammad in a Danish newspaper where he was depcited wearing an explosives-laden turban. Yes, I'd say that is offensive. However, and this is a big "however" - the Arab newspapers have not been altogether innocent in their depiction of Jews. OK - it's sometimes fun to poke fun of political personalities. We all do that and laugh at them. That's what politicans are for. But they go beyond the funniness and have been printing vulgar, offensive, anti-semitic cartoons for years now. And none of us Jews have made much of a peep about it. Is this a bad case of what goes around comes around?

free to be you and me

I walked into the health food store where the owner is on a macrobiotic lifestyle. I dared show up at a meeting once and now I'm considered recruitment fodder.

"Do you have that wonderful sea salt from France." I asked?

I thought - wow - it's sea salt and therefore, it must be healthier than the other salts you buy in the supermarket.

"That's too yang for you. It's grey. We were told NOT to use it."

Huh? Too Yang? Fuck that, I'll buy it somewhere else where people don't care how friggin yang it is for me.

I opened up one of the gifts I got from my Messianic Jewish friend and it was a recording of - you guessed it - Messianic Jewish songs.

So now I have a macrobiotic person trying to convert me to their lifestyle as well as this Messianic Jew. It's not enough to love Jesus because he was a Jewish Israeli brother of mine. I have to also believe that he is God and Messiah. Jesus! What next?

I put the CD next to a book of Sikh meditations given to me by a sweet Sikh gentleman from Vancouver, when I was in india, who heard me saying how wonderful their religion is. "If you will use this, I'd like to give this to you," said the teacher from Vancouver. Over there, the gentle Buddhist monk tried hard to persuade me that there really is no God.

I know my Orthodox family would love for me to return to Orthodox Judaism, and my Moslem friends would ullulate to the high heavens if I converted to Islam.

I love when everyone shares their religious//spiritual stuff with me and I can share back, but I cannot be like any of you. I can only be my silly self.

New Boyfriend in Town

My Eldest Daughter has a new boyfriend. She and the Persian broke up a few months ago due to the fact that he wanted a maid for a wife plus his mother was awful to her, insulting my daughter the way she cut up a salad. I usually don't butt into their love lives too much but this time I warned her that if the mother was awful to her now, it'll only get worse once they get married.

This new one is of Tunisian extraction and quite alot older. She'll be 22 and he's already 35 - never been married. But it seems quite serious. Plus his mother is warm to her - which "oks" the relationship for me. They work together and the girls at work have their suspicions about the couple, but they have been trying to keep their relationship a secret. When they both take off work this week to meet his brother who lives out of town, maybe more tongues will wag.

My Good Daughter told Hubby this guy is a hamburger flipper at the restaurant where they work. We laughed and started to call the guy Flipper. My Eldest got insulted. She insisted he is a chef, not a hamburger flipper. The truth came out at my party where he made a three layer chocolate mousse cake for 50 people that was out of this world. And it would have cost me a fortune to buy. So the "Flipper" name is gone. The guy really can bake and has talent. But what we don't know is his last name.

My daughter says she doesn't know it yet. Isn't that weird?

"What do you talk about when you go out?"
"Nothing much"

Sheesh. They're already acting like an old married couple.

At our Friday night family dinner, we sat around the table and the sisters teased her mercilessly because she wouldn't tell us his last name.

"She's too embarrassed to tell us his last name. He probably has a name like Pines" piped in my Good Daughter. "Pines" is a common Israeli name, but unfortunately, it is pronounced "Penis" which is awfully hysterical when you're a native English speaker.

So just know that when most traditional Jews sit down to a Friday night dinner, they're usually singing spiritual songs specially for the Sabbath, or giving over holy words of Torah or having guests over. But in my house this Friday night at our Shabbat table, everyone was teasing my Eldest laughing and screaming and calling her "Soozie Penis" "Soozie Penis".

Well, we don't know that for sure yet. His last name could very well be "Shitreet."

Happy Birthday To Me

I managed to turn 50 on Wednesday evening. And the party I threw for myself wasn't too shabby either. I had 50 friends over, including my family and my daughters' boyfriends. Even the ex-criminal was allowed out of her hostel to attend. It was an awkward start looking at all the different kinds of people that were there. How were they to mingle with each other and get to know one another. Unfortunately, none of the Arab friends I invited attended except for Ibrahim. My co-workers gave him a warm reception - they had heard so much about him. My boss's secretary remarked at how Jewish he looked - "like one of the guys going shopping at the shuk or playing backgammon with the other men". He didn't wear his keffiyah that night.

But I said a few words, as did a friend of mine about 1 1/2 hours into the party and then I blasted the music so we could all dance. I had burned MP3s - hundreds of songs - so by the time the party ended we were up to the D's - Dave Clark Five, David Bowie, etc. I invited a musician I knew vaguely. He didn't know I was married and looked at Hubby whom he knew from somewhere.

"Wow! You invited the coolest people!!!" remarked the Hobo-looking musician, looking at Hubby.

"Huh?"

"He's such a happy guy!"

"That's my husband and he's hardly ever happy. Are you sure you know this guy?"

Turns out they do know each other. Even stranger, the messianic Jewish couple who live near me and a friend of mine who is a Reiki master met and turns out they are 1st cousins. They had no idea but had similar last names so they investigated each other's family and it turns out they are the same family. So if I got family re-united, it was worth throwing this party. Even though my kids sat on the sidelines watching their crazy mother dance away to "Bits and Pieces" and "Twist and Shout" and "Rebel Rebel" - it was fun to be able to legitimately embarrass them. Yes. I could embarrass them at my own party and let me tell you - it felt great. My son was like 'could you please change the music?" Hell no. It's my party not yours. You had your bar mitzvah last year with YOUR music. Now it's my turn.

The Syrian Cab Driver

My daughter could not get to work today at the police station in an Arab neighborhood. She usually gets rides, but because of the disengagement from Amona today, there were no transports available. Hubby gave me $ to take a cab to work and I decided to drop her off at her work.

The cab driver wore a kippah, meaning he is Orthodox and didn't seem to mind carusing in an Arab neighborhood. He had more trouble from the Ultra-Orthodox Jews protesting cremation or an autopsy or whatever it was they were protesting in Jerusalem yesterday.

"I was just driving on Bar Ilan Street, taking kids home from school. Along comes this mob and they are pulling on the doors trying to smash it, with these poor screaming kids in it. They were absolutely terrified. If my car were stuck in an Arab neighborhood in Jerusalem, they'd offer me advice, tell me to go here, there - this is insane!!"

So now I got the story of why he wasn't like other Israeli cab drivers, who are usually too nervous to venture into the Other's territory.

He told me he speaks fluent Arabic.

"How? Did you learn from your parents?"

"No, I came from Halab, Syria when I was 12 in 1973. They killed my father and my mother was in jail for helping people immigrate to Israel. But when she got out, on the eve of the Yom Kippur war, we left and escaped to Israel via Lebanon." From the bits he told me, he explained that they went to some large well-known synagogue in Lebanon and stayed there for a bit before heading to Israel.

He continued on "We were multi-millionaires in Syria. We owned 16 stores and had alot of homes."

And here he is driving a cab for a living.

His wishes were similar to mine - even though his family suffered from anti-semitism in Syria. I was his back seat egger-on. Wouldn't it be nice to have open borders with our neighboring countries - Lebanon and Syria. Yes, wouldn't it be nice to drive through Lebanon to Turkey. Go shopping in Damascus? Sit in a Lebanese cafe? We both think so...