When the Apples Fall Far From the Tree

Holidays can be difficult when there's no car/means of transportion - especially for the old and the restless like myself. I read in the papers about water hikes in the Golan, fairs in Caesaria and a meditation/yoga festival called Sagol on the grounds of a southern kibbutz - and I want to go to all of them, or even one of them. But I cannot.

I had the pre-holiday blues while my son was partying wildly with all the anti-Arab racist fans of Jerusalem's Betar soccer team, singing their racist songs. The Israeli tv stations filmed the fans and I prayed my son wasn't being filmed because that would embarrass me to no end. It's bad enough he thinks it's fun and even thought it ok to miss school the next day with most of his class as they trudged into their homes the next morning when the buses began to roll again.

We were invited out for Thursday night at my newly-married daughter's family. Some members of my family were worried that they were gonna get poisoned by the mother-in-law's food.

"She tried to kill us last time, remember?" insisted my youngest daughter who decided to eat locally at my oldest daughter's home - where the husband is a real chef and who doesn't hate her enough to poison her.

"Last time" was New Year's where the catering gave some of the family stomach queasiness. But this time my married daughter is making the pastas, lasagnas and salads and I'm bringing the blintzes. So no one should be afraid!!

After an unhealthy but happy feast of pastas and cheese of various sorts, we were driven back home to our house - us, the unfortunate souls with no car, who have to be driven back and forth. They must feel so sorry for us. They even told me not to bring them anything. But I did bring flowers and blintzes. We watched a bit of television on their 50" plasma tv and I tried not to get jealous of their "things".

"One day we'll get a large LCD" I told the mother-in-law ..."AFTER we get shower doors installed." And I glared at Hubby who I believe to be the cause of our lack-of-shower-doors and lack of second working shower in the main bathroom. It irritates me to know that out of the five 8-floor apartment buildings in our complex, we are the only ones who do not have shower doors or a second working shower. I sometimes enjoy being different, but this is taking it too far!

I had expected my newly-engaged daughter to come home some time before the holiday. But the holiday was starting in an hour and no daughter was to be found. I called her and was surprised to find out that she had seriously fought with her fiancee. She was chucking both him and religion out the window, as she told me she decided to work on the eve of the holiday.

Her sisters gasped at her new-found heretic-ness and then laughed their heads off. When she got back home, she opened up the sheet set she was saving for after her wedding and put them on her bed. The sheets were floral and appropriately colored red. She was mad as hell and was not gonna take it anymore. And she blurted out her venom.

"Do I look fat?"

"Not at all."

My daughter is quite petit and very skinny. But she said her fiancee was making fun of her and told her she was fat. How DARE he! She continued with her rant - "He's always making fun of me in front of his family and friends, and thinks it's funny." So none of us are mourning the fate of this relationship. I'm just wondering whether she'll be keeping the zirconium ring he bought her. Hubby was thrilled at her not marrying a Moroccan because they all "need to be the boss" and said he'd rather she married an Arab.

Last night we were all together - including both marrieds with the grandkid. I complained about the tasteless chicken I made from ground up tortilla corn chips. Hubby tried to console me in his usual tactless way.

"If you were living in Chicago, all the niggers would be lining up outside your door for this chicken."

I guess I should take this as a compliment.