Here, there and everywhere

What is this? I simply cannot focus. I'm 53 years old and still don't know what I want to be or do when I grow up. It hasn't happened yet. But I want to be discovered.

On Saturday I was restless, as I usually am. I had this terrible yearning to be anywhere but in my apartment. I suddenly wanted to go to these obscure music festivals in Morocco, or wanting to see the midnight sun either in Sweden or Iceland and if that didn't pan out, then I would go to Finland in the wintertime and do some dog-sledding (but with whom?).

Besides that, there's the career I never had. I thought perhaps I should write an award-winning movie script, become a renowned photographer, invent something, steal something not patented but that I think is a wonderful idea, import things I want to see in Israel, build a touristy website of special interest. See? I can do a lot of these things, but I don't do them to the point where I excel in them. It's all mediocre. To be more than mediocre, I'd have to put my heart and soul into whatever it is I want to do - but there's no money or time for learning these crafts/skills. Plus I thought about getting a degree. Just a simple BA degree in anything because I can't decide in what I should get a degree. It could be anything from comparative religion, communication, journalism, history, education,anything interfaith, intercultural. I looked over a few options and found that unless I dole out a shitload of money, I can't study in English. It would have to be in Hebrew. That would be totally tough for me as my Hebrew reading is limited to advertisements, street signs and restaurant menus, and my Hebrew grammar is horrid. And I almost said to Hubby "yes, because then I would be able to study in English" when my husband had his weekly - Let's Go Back To Canada - moment.