The Salad Wars

My daughter hardly looked at me this evening when I came home at 9:00 pm. She was sulking on the tv chair with her fiancee, complaining as usual.

"No one is helping me for when his family comes next week. My sister doesn't even want to make salads. I can't wait to move to Tiberias away from this shitty family.

Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes. I really do.

And she continued, "Plus his family is starting to put away money for us and you're not doing anything!!! And they're asking me what you're doing for us..."

I started to get heated up.

"Did you tell them that I haven't yet recuperated from the wedding we had THREE WEEKS AGO? And do you know how much money I'm gonna be spending on that whole tribe coming down from Tiberias next week. Hundreds of shekels!!"

Man, does she burn my ass.

And she's the one doing most of the shit-disturbing.

Yesterday, I was talking about the good documentaries and movies on the Holocaust. One day a year,even Israeli cable tv pays homage to the Holocaust and nothing much is shown except Holocaust-related films and documentaries and ceremonies. So she rolls her eyes and tells me she's going to be watching a DVD.

"Once a year you just can't have respect and watch a documentary or film on the Holocaust? You have to just wash it away, like you want nothing to do with it. Like it's only a friggin' Ashkenazi thing and because you think you're Morrocan, it doesn't affect you?"

I was livid.

Like the whole thing with the salads. She's giving me a hard time because of salads when his family comes next week.

"They're not gonna eat your big American salads. They eat little salads. All different kinds of little salads."

"Excuse me!! They're not gonna partake of my big American salads? What kind of shit is that? If I were to go to their house, would they serve gefilte fish for me because that's what I eat? Of course not!"

Then she tells me about her fiancee's mother's reaction to what my daughter told HER about my salads and my customs.

"She told me that she's not gonna change her eating habits. We shouldn't expect her to eat like we do."

"I don't expect her to. Did you not tell her I'm open minded about other people's customs, and could you please elaborate on what you just told me?"

"You know how you put your salad on your plate from the big plate?"

"Yes?"

"Well, they don't do that. They don't put their salads on their plates. They'll all just put their spoons in and eat the salads straight from the serving salad plate."

"Oh don't worry, Arabs do that too" I told her, knowing how much she doesn't want her fiancee's family to be compared to Arabs.

How much more civilized are we than that family? I dunno. There's an awful lot of belching and farting around in our house, even though we put our salads on our plates.

So, yeah, I can live with that communal eating custom in my house. But only for a day.