On the Last Day of Passover my true love gave to me...

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Jewish men are supposed to buy their wives gifts for this major holiday, preferably jewellery. But my soul-mate hasn't a fucking clue about shopping for his wife - not even after 26 years. His contribution is plain, ol' simple income so that I don't get stressed out because of the cost of inviting dozens of guests for each meal. And this year, Thank the Good Lord, I did not get stressed. I spent 3,000 NIS for the entire holiday, which is about $750, if I did the math right. And he had the money this year, which is as good a gift as I can expect from him. May the $$ continue to come in.

Now my future son-in-law has set up camp inside my home with my daughter for about a month or so until he's out of the army. I asked whether any of his relatives speak English, because if not, Hubby will not be able to communicate when they meet us in two weeks. He said his mother's native language is French and it is very similar to English. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that. I tried to tell him gently that only the alphabet is the same, but even a four letter word like "shit" bears no resemblance to the French equivalent, "merde". It won't work. There will be a communications barrier between his folks and Hubs.

My married daughter offered to host his brood when they come in two weeks.
Not a chance. You see, this girl's got not one, but TWO LCD's in her salon and bedroom, and her place is fully furnished. They'll think we're comfortable financially. I explained to my daughter that at least if they come to us, they'll see that we don't even have shower doors and we watch a stinking old 21" television, and see that there's a shabby, barely working computer in my son's room. "It'll be better that way." I told her. "This way, maybe they'll feel sorry for us, and won't make demands on us like we have to buy the couple an apartment or furnish it, or something horrible like that."

And tonight is the last night of the holiday, and man am I glad. I'm cooking slowly because my neck is stiff and I'm probably dehydrated, even though I have a bottle of water handy which I drink from during short breaks in the cooking. My newly married daughter and engaged one were very relieved to be invited to my oldest daughter's home for dinner tonight. You see, I invited two very nice couples, our age or a bit older, who live in the neighborhood, for dinner tonight. Together, we're a bunch of nostalgic ex-New Yorkers and the conversation hits everything from the Tappan Zee bridge, to Yankee Stadium, to Shea, to restaurants on the Lower East Side. They're normal people. They really are. But my kids shy away from an evening with my friends as if I've invited the plague into my home.