People on the inside

I'm having some turbulent times with the people on the inside. My kids have been bullying me, testing me, trying me... My Complaining Daughter complains she has no underwear and I should buy her some. I told her she has been working for months, why can't she pick up some undies for $2.50 each herself? I've noticed some cute ones while doing the laundry that say "enjoy" on the front side - Enjoy? Enjoy what. Believe me, I'd have never gotten her undies that were thongs, or anything that says "enjoy" or "lick me" or anything of that ilk. Isn't it enough I buy out the stores with feminine products for the teenage girls in the house? "Why should I have to buy underwear!" She shouted at me. "Because your sisters began working at 16 and they bought themselves everything from then on." She shouted even louder - "and why do you have to always compare me to THEM?" saying the word "them" as if they were skeevy, drunken street beggars. She continued her rant - "I don't have to be like them! I don't have to be like my friends! I don't have to be like you. Just because you lost your virginity at 21 does that mean I have to lose it too at 21 years old?" WHAAAT the hell did THAT have to do with buying underwear for Christ's sake. But she had to have that dig. I'm actually proud I didn't lose it at 13 and bragged about waiting (and waiting and waiting)to "do it" - to my teens once they acquired steady boyfriends in a feeble attempt at sex education.

My 12 year old woke up this morning demanding "money or I'll mess up the house". Are we related to the Jewish Lansky Crime Family of Chicago (or was it the Lower East Side)? Extortion, exmortion. No way. I'd rather have a messy house than give in to that terrorizing squirt. As he began throwing my clean laundry from the basket to the floor I waltzed out the door for the day.

That evening I went to the mall to buy face makeup. The Russian ladies at the makeup counter were so soothing. "Why don't you sit and relax and Marina will give you a face treatment." For free. I sat in the chair. I let Marina take my makeup off gently. She massaged my face with facial cleansers from Clarins and put anti-aging serums on me and moisturized my neck - all the while smiling at me with each stroke on my face, like an artist who simply loved what she was doing. She didn't just seem to be "doing her job". She applied makeup to me, as if she were Michaelangelo putting the final touches on his masterpiece. I stopped her at the green eye makeup. "Please make it look natural," I pleaded. She took out the brown and peach eye shadow set and continued her art, smiling all the while. I ended up walking out of there with a bit more than the face makeup I had come in for. But I really needed some of these people on the outside doing a bit of pampering for me....