Chocolate Fights

Yesterday was horrible - HORRIBLE. All the men in my life were bonkers. My son played hookey from school because he was up watching the soccer match in Barcelona which began at 11:00 pm and couldn't wake up even though I tried. We punished him by taking away his computer keyboard. Then he retaliated by hiding the keyboard and mouse from us. Hubby couldn't do his quotation he needed to do for his work - so at 4:30 am he realizes this and the two are having a dawn-breaking fight. It woke up the entire household, not to mention probably our neighbors and me, being the enabler that I am, went on a keyboard and mouse scavenger hunt which ended at 5:15 am when I found both items.

At my slave job - Boss was equally unreasonable.

"OK get out the document - you have it ready?"

"What document?" - we're only speaking about 100 documents and I have to mind read.

He casts me a look filled with venom. Later on that day I make out a list for him of all the assignments I believe he has to do. It comes out to two pages. He looks at it.

He shrieks at me - "THIS IS TERRIBLE. WHY DON'T YOU GET IT??? THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE????? "

What exactly DO you want to see? Huh? And thought about lifting off my shirt. Will THAT do?

I went over to the office manager's office. She was hoarding Cadbury's chocolate from a co-worker's trip overseas and I broke off a piece. She is not only the office manager, but my weight manager too. She tried to pull the Cadbury's package out of my hand. But I held on tight.

"You can't have this chocolate" she warned.

"You Don't understand. I NEED it. I'm having a terrible day. I MUST have this chocolate now."

She and I continued this chocolate tug-of-war until I won, with the package now in crumbled bits.

I triumphantly sat in my office with my row of Cadbury's. I was about to chug it when another co-worker comes in.

"What are you doing?"

Everyone in the office has turned into my weight patrol.

"It took you so long to lose that weight, now you're going to ruin everything?"

"Listen honey, I'm having a rough day with all the men in the world right now."

She grabbed ahold of my chocolate-holding hand.

I was livid. "Listen now - either I eat this chocolate or I turn into a full-fledged lesbian. I've absolutely had it with men. OK? It's your choice. What will it be?"

I was serious.

She let go of my hand. Her choice was made.