Will you have THAT with your tea

We were invited to a swank party in honor of my boss at some lovely restaurant in Jerusalem last night. Hubby was invited, and I was praying like a mantis that he would behave and not look like he has Tourette's Syndrome. He whined about coming along with me because there's no television there and he'd miss his Fox News Alerts for the evening. And the restaurant was dairy. Another no-no for my meat'n potatoes man. But unlike events that I'm usually invited to and don't care if he comes or doesn't, I told him that this thing he MUST attend - as painful as it might be.

"What is so awful about having a shitload of gourmet things to eat and not having to pay for it?"

He rebelled by downing a couple of sandwiches at home, as if to say - "I'm not there for the food"

"Please go easy on my tuna patties." I begged him. "I saved them for the kids, who aren't going to this thing and need something to eat for dinner.

Then there was the clothing thing. I managed to put together something for the formal event. Hubby did find something not streaked with paint and plaster and a shirt freshly pressed from the cleaners. But no jacket. Never mind, I told him, I'm sure "formal" to some Israelis means just coming with a shirt buttoned to the top.

We got there and thankfully Hubby wasn't the only one jacketless - there were about 5 others. Many guests were also from the US.

I went around saying my hellos and introducing Hubby who was rather quiet. The h'ors doeuvres were passed around.

"What is THAT?" asked one woman pointing to a fried food thing, as she took a biteful into her mouth.

"Locus"

The poor lady looked green. She whispered to me "Did she say LOCUSTS?"

I answered - "If she did, don't worry. Locusts are kosher. The Yemenites eat them with gusto."

In the end I told her it was fish. I didn't want to see anyone faint.

Hubby sits down at the table with my co-workers and flirts with my friends. I drank 2 glasses of wine and was totally tipsy, laughing hysterically when anyone spoke to me - even if it wasn't funny. And Hubby wanted to find religion. He told a co-worker.

"I do the things on holidays. I build a sukkah..."

I continued for him - "yeah and he shakes his Lulav" and howled with laughter.

I guess this is how I behave during formal events - but I was far enough away from the "people in charge" for them to notice, or so I think.

I simmered down somewhat for the rest of the meal, until dessert came and Hubby looks at the chocolate dessert drizzled with vanilla cream on the plate.

"Now what does THAT look like?" he asked of me.

I said nothing. Just howled with laughter.