Evita

My son was suspended from school and I was told he wasn't to go back unless I accompany him. Well, we did have to wait a few days for this because my job comes before kids. Definitely. So I waited for a pleasant morning where my boss would be holed up in meetings and then went with him.

We sat in a room waiting for his class coordinator to speak with us. She began to talk to me in rapid, Spanish-accented Hebrew, but switched to English after I kept on asking her to repeat herself more slowly.

"Are you Argentinian?" I asked her.

She nodded.

I guess right on the first try. Not that she looked Argentinian or anything. How do Argentinians look? She could have been Mexican or Cuban or even from Ecuador. Perhaps she just reminded me of Evita Peron, which is why I guessed right.

She went on and on loudly, while glaring at my son.

"And he's so CHILDISH! And the way he speaks on the phone isn't normal. It just isn't normal! He doesn't listen to anyone." and turning to him, she continued. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE HURTING?? YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO ACT THAT WAY, TO THINK EVERYTHING IS FUNNY?"

I was just sitting there listening to her, imagining how this woman eats her husband up for dinner and spits him out. I wonder if he even had a penis left.

At the end of the meeting she demanded my son keep his phone in her office, which he reluctantly agreed to do. I just sat there speechless myself, until she related something that the sports teacher said about my son - that he has amazing strength and stamina in sport. He's never seen anything like it.

"So" I said, finally finding my tongue. "Why don't we build on that?? Can you find him a soccer league to go to?"

"Of course! I'll work on it today." and she continued to glare at him "BECAUSE YOU COME INTO SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE A COUCH POTATO WITH NO ENERGY WHATSOEVER!! YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING AFTER SCHOOL INSTEAD OF JUST BEING ON YOUR COMPUTER AND YOUR PHONE!"

She looked at me, "Call me Thursday, and I'll keep you up to date on him." She even winked at me.

It was 8:32. I mentioned that I didn't want my son to get penalized for coming late to class while we were (or rather she was) talking.

Then Evita told me not worry, that she'll take him to his class, as she put her arms around my son and walked with him that way through the school halls. Hope he wasn't embarrassed as shit.