The Wedding Planners

On Friday we sat with the coordinator of the wedding hall and mowed our way through the menu, and the time table for the wedding itself - when to dance, when to eat, etc. They were wonderfully pleasant and generous and gave us alot of freebies which had been listed as having to pay extra for like the fish fillets and the hot chocolate cake, plus the grilled kebab and falafel stand at the reception with a whole bunch of other things I can't remember. I wonder if I had a chunkier bank account than the tragically "in the red" one I have now, would I be happier and more at ease? I thought that as we wrote a check out for 2 days after the wedding for an enormous sum that we cannot cover.

In traditional Orthodox Jewish weddings, at the pre-wedding reception, the bride sits apart from her husband-to-be and is flanked by her sisters, friends, mother while the photogs click away at everyone air-kissing her. This is the time to talk to everyone, because you can't have a conversation while you're dancing the night away. The reception is going to last 1 1/2 hours before the ceremony takes place. That's like half the wedding already.

Would she want the special bridal chair to sit on in the grassy area?

She didn't want to hear of it.

"NO WAY!!! I'm staying in my room, I'll find something to watch on tv. NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE ME BEFORE THE CEREMONY, OK???"

She needed to have her grand entrance at the ceremony, where everyone could oooh and ahhh over her.

Her hubby-to-be just sat there and didn't seem to have an opinion. Maybe he was afraid to?

The Planner told us that 50% of the brides nowadays just show up for the ceremony and not for the pre-wedding reception.

We tried Orthodox tradition #2 on her.

"What about the Yichud room?"

This is the room that couples retire to after the ceremony to be alone, to break their fast, if they are fasting. Many years ago, but not nowadays, it was where you consummated the marriage.

The hotel would supply them with salads and munchies and there they can catch their breath before heading to the hall where the music and festivities will carry on well past midnight.

She was quick and to the point.

"NO YICHUD ROOM. NO. NO. NO YICHUD ROOM. OKAY? THIS ISN'T A "DOISY" (ULTRA-ORTHODOX) WEDDING."

We tried to get her to see that people need to find their seats and settle in themselves before the dancing gets underway.

As of today, her fiancee quietly coaxed her into having a 10 minute reprieve in that room before they walk into the hall, but on Friday, it was Hell No We Won't Go.

What about the dancing logistics? There will be Orthodox, Ultra Orthodox, Arabs, and secular Jews. Hubby wanted 1/2 hour of Hassidic music with a separation barrier between the sexes so everyone can dance (Ultra Orthodox Jews and Arab women won't dance in mixed company). Fussy Daughter compromised at 20 minutes of Hassidic music with a barrier. Then the barrier comes down and then they want all sorts of music - not necessarily Jewish. She wants to walk down the aisle with Irish music even though no one will be Irish at our wedding. Bring out the Guinness folks.

And after 2 1/2 hours of hashing it out, I saw the couple slumped in their chairs. I laughed and told the wedding planners -

"Look at them. Don't they look like the most miserable people on earth??"

I couldn't understand for the life of me why people look so miserable before marriage. Save it for after marriage, folks.

"It's normal" the wedding planners assured me. "It's exhausting for all couples to go through this."

I wondered if my daughter's "It's my way or the high way" attitude is taking its toll on future Hubby. But yesterday when I saw him, he was all smiles and adulation for his future wife.

She was yakking on the phone to her friend for a long time which I thought was rude of her, while he walked in the door.

"Get off the phone with your friend. Tell her you'll call her later! It's not nice." I hissed at her.

"Don't put pressure on her" he smiled at her as if she were a exquisite piece of gold he just discovered.

And I'm thinking as I always think when I see him - Jeez, which planet do you really come from?