Eye Candy for the Holiday

Both God and my eldest Daughter have been very good to me this holiday. I guess God must have heard my wish to take care of the unwanted children in this world. So my daughter asks if she can bring her friend for all the holiday meals. He doesn't have any parents and lives alone. Great! An orphan. Just what I asked for to be useful to mankind. To do a bit of charity. Nothing could please me more.

The first night the Orphan walks in. He looks like a Russian Jean-Claude Van Damme. Turns out Mr. Orphan is nearly 32, no body fat, and is in the police special forces - yup, the special forces where there are only hunky guys. I wonder if they hold male beauty-hunk contests for these jobs because I haven't seen any ugly guys riding these police motorcycles. Never. He's also training my daughter so that she passes her police physical. Yowsa.

The next day he walks in wearing a tight (skin tight) black top with short sleeves. His muscles are bulging. My daughter looks at my flushed face and tells me she told him to wear something with short sleeves..."because my mother likes muscles".

"Honey, you did this for me?" I said gleefully, thinking that this girl really knows how to get around not paying me any rent. Sure. I'll void this month's rent, if you keep bringing me these Orphans for dinner.

After the meal, we sit down to watch The Wedding Date where girl hires a male escort to make her ex-fiancee jealous. The Orphan spoke.

"After I'm done with the police, I think I'll become a gigolo."

I nearly spit out the pistachios I was munching on, trying hard to keep from choking.

"Really?"

"Yes, I have a friend who lives in Ashkelon and works in Tel Aviv. He has a great apartment, car, everything."

"How much would you charge" I asked. God, these orphans can be so resourceful.

"Oh, 400 shekels an hour"

My daughter interceded - "Would you give my mother a discount? 100 NIS?"

This time I did spit out my pistachios together with some chocolate....