Happy Jewish New Year

"Tomorrow is your 2006" asked this woman from Sri Lanka on the bus.

"No, it's 5766"

She looked totally confused. I was as amused as she was confused. My lawyer friend told me it was Karma that because I'm travelling to India, I'll be noticing more people from that part of the world, which I have been. Sri Lanka is close enough.

I warned her to stock up on food as all shops will be closed Tuesday and Wednesday. I don't want her to have an empty fridge on Wednesday morning.

We began the Eve of the Jewish New Year today - quite calmly. Except for Hubby's bouts of depression, he seemed to be doing better today. Perhaps because last night I walked in very late but carried a gift of cologne for him and a new bathrobe to replace the one I trashed a few months earlier. So after shopping in the shuk - we sat down for breakfast at the Shuk coffee shop.

"Only in Israel do you see this" he said to me staring at the young kitchen staff.

"See what?"

"See that girl walking around and her pants are falling down halfway down her ass. You see all her underpants."

"At least she's not wearing thong undies." I was feeling relieved for this cute young thing. She was wearing a modest white pair with what looked like dragons on them.

Another woman sat down opposite us. She had cleavage and sparkles on her upper boob.

I muttered to Hubby - "This broad wants to be looked at. She's probably thinking - if they're not looking at them, I'll put loads of sparkles on them, so people will just have to look.'" It works, lady.

Wandering through the shuk - former Jerusalem mayor, Ehud Olmert, was doing his shopping and yakking - flanked all around him by the most gorgeous security guards one could ever want flanking oneself. At that moment, I thought how nice it would be to be an Israeli government offiicial.

I shopped at this vendor and at that vendor. The guy selling me figs was laughing at me as I wrote down the price he charged me.

"What are you writing?" he asked.

"I'm just putting down what you charged me so that I know where all the money went for this holiday."

"What for?"

"Because HE wants to know." I nodded towards Hubby, blaming him for this seemingly loony public act of mine.

The vendor knew better.

"He doesn't want to know anything. Look at him. All he wants to do is finish shopping and get back into his car."

"HE SURE GOT YOUR NUMBER!!" I squealed with laughter to Hubby as we went on to the next vendor.

We got home in one piece and began preparations for our guests - my Good Daughter's boyfriend and my Eldest Daughter's cop friend who has no parents and no where to go for the holiday. The chairs around the dining table that we brought from Canada 10 years ago have seen much better days. They looked worn and tattered. Nothing much we can do at this time. My kids voiced their New Years wishes as they set the table.

"I hope this table breaks while we're sitting on it."

Hubby was annoyed at the Complainer because she hadn't lifted a finger.

"Why don't you marry that little nigger and leave the house already." He loves her boyfriend - who is not black but is very dark skinned nonetheless - and the term "Little Nigger" doesn't make anyone too upset knowing it's coming from Hubby.

"Why don't I write a children's book called "My Little Nigger" and we all laughed at the craziness of it all.

We're just about to settle down to a meal soon with a full house. I've been wished blessings for the new year, ranging from chronic slimness to being a millionaire and good health.

I'm hoping for lots of joy for my family and good health - and more than a bit of moolah can't hurt either. And I'm wishing for Hubby to be sick and tired of being depressed - getting some help for this condition so that he won't only notice the awful and seeing his glass forever half empty when I know one can see life as the glass being half full if not nearly full. Happy New Year.