More Passover

 

at the archeological garden - a 2,000 year old floor that had been crushed by falling boulders from the Roman destruction of the wall 

Passover in Jerusalem

 

Crowds at the Western Wall 

Deadly Real Estate

I was reading the papers this morning - the front page read "E. Jerusalem man slain after he sells building to settlers" - reading further I noticed the victim was Mohammed Abu-al-Hawa, 40 years old. He apparently sold a 4 story apartment building to Jews in A-tur, near the Mt. of Olives. The building had been bought by Elad, a nonprofit organization settling Jews in Palestinian neighborhood. According to the report -His brother said someone showed up with $300,000 in cash to HIS door for HIS apartment. He actually refused the money. But his brother was not lucky and the family said the transaction was made through a Palestinian family to a Jordanian Investment Company. They may not even have known the sale was to Jews.

I knew he was a relative of my friend Ibrahim, but wasn't sure if it was his son or another relative. I called up several friends, but none were answering their phones. I was getting frantic. I was too nervous to call Ibrahim, and talk to him, but in the end I did call him. Turns out it was his nephew. I stammered who I was and said over and over again.

"I am so sorry this happened to your family"

He replied - God will take care of everyone, and then wished me a Shabbat shalom.

I wanted to offer to help their family somehow who are now fatherless and he had 7 children, but that didn't come through. I just couldn't manage the words. But I'm sure I'll find out in the next few days if they need any monetary help and post it here.

Again, this is tragic - on the one hand, tragic that people will murder people for political and racist reasons such as selling homes to Jews and on the other hand, tragic because there is also something arrogant at the eagerness of Jewish organizations wishing to uproot Palestinian families who had been living here for generations...

Passover 2006

We had 2 invites this year for the Seder. One with our messianic Jewish friends -the other with once-good-friends we first met when we moved here 9 years ago. We had been out of touch with them for about 5 years and poof - out of nowhere - they were back in our lives asking us to join them in a pot-luck seder with about 21 guests. My Trashy Daughters thumbed their noses up at this invite, preferring instead to be with their boyfriends' families, the engaged daughter was fully excused to be with her future family (let her get to know what her in-laws will be like during stressful holidays - MWAA ha ha!), except for my Good Daughter and Teenage Werewolf Son.

Thankfully there were many other ADHD type kids a bit older than my son for him to wreak havoc with at the seder table - and he felt at home. It was noisy and fun there. I brought my hand made matzah to the table and read from my Holistic Haggadah by Dr. Michael Kagan. It had alot of touchy-feely stuff to it. Like "feel the salt water as tears running down your cheeks. Free your inner Mitzrayim (Egypt). In Buddhism attachments are the cause of suffering, in Judaism, they are the cause of enslavement..., etc." And nearly everyone oohh'd and ahh'd at this new Jewish Renewal funky interpretation of the ancient Haggadah, save for about 3 people who clearly weren't interested in all at any interpretations of the text, but preferred to get down to the meal already. Typical Jews.

I spoke about meaningful prayer - how difficult it was to find that feeling of elation when you pray in ordinary Orthodox synagogues, preferring Jewish Renewal or the Kol Haneshama Reform Congregation in Jerusalem instead for the spiritual way they pray. But one of the guests told me about a women's prayer group that meets once a month in my very own neighborhood and she felt it was highly spiritual, so I guess I might as well give it a try.

Our hostess inquired about my New Age beliefs - she was annoyed at my Wandering Judaism and was getting emotional about my straying from the well-trodden path of Orthodox Jews. "Don't you believe that the 613 commandments were given from God? Don't you think it's wrong to just pick and choose?" This after Hubby was reading from his Haggadah about how saying that the 613 Laws felt like it came from the police rather than from God.

I told my hostess rather politely that all these commandments had strayed far from their original source interpreted by rabbis and who knows what God really had in mind for us? There are many different paths to God.

Behind me was another guest rooting me on with her "Yeah, she's right" every time I said something to the hostess.

I told her now that we chucked alot of the Sabbath restrictions, we were happier now as a family. And isn't enjoying the Sabbath what it's all about - not dreading that it comes every week?

"Aren't you happier that your daughter is marrying someone religious - wouldn't you rather have that than the other way around?" she asked her final question.

"No, I just want her to be happy. If she was going to be both Orthodox and narrow-minded, that would probably upset me. Other than that it doesn't matter what she becomes - she just must make it her duty to be happy. That's all that matters, really."

Reverting back to Nice Hostess, she told me how it is wonderful that Hubby puts me on a pedastel and calls me "My Wife", that he respects me and all that shit. My daughter glanced at me as if saying "that is one Woman who has had much more than 4 cups of wine tonight." Not everyone knows the real Caveman Hubby.

After that seder ended we went over to the Messianic Seder to see what that was like, as it was nearing its end and people were already leaving. We knocked on the door at 12:30 am.

"Who's there?" they asked.

"Elijah the prophet" and we walked in.

It was no second coming, but it was fun to be with them. We had a bit of a surprise there as we saw former neighbors of ours whom we hadn't seen in 7 years. Turns out the woman got turned on to Jesus/Yeshua 5 years ago but the husband and son were heretics and non-believers like ourselves. I asked her how did she find her path? She told me she saw what her friends had - serenity, fulfillment, happiness - and wanted that too. Fair enough.

Back home, we spoke about our neighbors (just as they, at the same time, were probably speaking about us), and what it was like in that "mixed marriage" where one "believed" and one didn't and how many more people we would see whom we thought we knew at these messianic gatherings.

Hell

Sent to me by a Palestinian friend - really funny!!

A British, an American and a Palestinian died, and all went to hell.

The British said: I miss England! I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there ......he called and talked for about 5 minutes ....then he said: "Well, devil, how much do I owe you for the phone call??? The devil goes: "five million dollars...." he made him a check and went to sit back on his chair....

The American was too jealous, he starts screaming...."Me too! I wanna call the United States, I wanna see how everybody is doing too........"He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said: " Well, devil, how much do i owe you for the phone call??? The devil said: " ten million dollars..." " Ten million dollars!!!" he made him a check and went to sit back on his chair...

The Palestinian was extremly sooo Jealous too....he starts screaming and screaming , " I wanna call Palestine too, I wanna see how everybody is doing there too! I wanna talk to everybody......"

So, he called Palestine, and he talked for about twenty hours...he was talking and talking ...and talking......then he said: " Well, devil, how much do I owe you for the phone call??? The devil goes: " One dollar....!!"
"Only one dollar...!!"

The devil goes: " Yes, Well, FROM HELL TO HELL, IT'S LOCAL !!!!

The Bad, the Good, the Bad, the Good

the Bad - last week getting a notice that an Arab family from Silwan (city of David) outside the old city of Jerusalem whose ancestors saved the Jews during the riots in the 1920, were forcibly evicted from their homes because they were housed "in Jewish owned land" previous to 1948. I did not have time to join the protests, but would have - had I not had my slave job to go to every day. Does not anyone think what about the glorious mansions Jews live in - in West Jerusalem, that belonged to Arabs pre-1948?

the Good - Jews and Arabs working together to protest the wall separating the Arab Jerusalem neighborhoods of Jabel Mukaber and Sheikh Saed. A group called Neighbors to Neighbors have worked, met and celebrated together over this wall which would have separated families. The court has ruled that the neighborhood will not be separated and that the wall will be build behind Seikh Saed. Mazal Tov to all those that worked together on this.

The Bad - feeling totally depressed on Thursday crying my eyes out for no wedding and Pesach funds, totally scaring my co-workers who said...

the Good - that they are no longer afraid of our bosses because of me and my "fuck 'em" attitude and who pulled me out of the dumps by telling me I hold them up when they are freaked out. Another good friend said it's not me but rather the total eclipse which screwed everything and everyone's moods here. It's true. Everything was wacky the past week.

the Bad - There was a mini-tornado in the Galilee. I was like - whoa! Kansas in Israel. There was flooding everywhere. I was late to work twice because of heavy flooding on the roads.

the Good - my daughter listening to me about wedding plans. I may even get to walk her down the aisle after telling her it disturbs me that I won't do the traditional "mama giving the bride away" trip down the aisle. Please don't take that away from me. And I think she won't.

Hectic life

My soon-to-be-married daughter is going job hunting. I saw a wonderful job offer in the papers - working for a blind professor.

"Honey, it'll be great. When it gets real hot in the summer in Jerusalem, and you just want to strip down - go right on ahead. He won't see a friggin' thing."

But she went ahead to agencies and is looking for a more run-of-the-mill job - lucky thing about her is that she can work in both Hebrew and English - not like her mom, who can't read and write properly in Hebrew.

Back at the ranch, my son has been just the regular teenage werewolf - imitating my voice, my sentences - I'd like to toss him out the window. But instead, I'm not coming home early for him. Let him learn to fend for himself at the tender age of 14 and rip himself away from the computer to open up a fucking can of tuna. I'm royally pissed off at him. But I've been having fun being away. On Sunday, there was a peace gathering at Eliyahu's house. He had just come back from a trip to Seville, Spain at a conference from Rabbis and Imams. He is neither, but does connect the two and knows pretty much all of the Israeli ones. You wouldn't believe the photos of all these Gazan and Palestinian Imams dancing with the Israeli rabbis. Incredible stuff and of course, this never makes the papers.

Last night I went to my debtor's anonymous meeting trying to figure out how on earth will I pay for this wedding. People there brainstorm after the meetings and give good advice. I got no advice at this Hebrew -speakers meeting, but was encouraged to go to the English meeting on Wednesday.

Back home that evening my Werewolf Son was fuming.

"I needed 20 shekels ($4.50) for the movies and a party at school tonight and you didn't come home early to give it to me."

I came home at 9:30 pm hoping he would go to sleep at 10:00 and I wouldn't have to deal. So I dealt the best way I knew how.

"You didn't call me at work. You could have and I would have told you to ask your sister to loan the money to you. Anyway, getting angry at me is an excuse for not going. You think you could have torn yourself away from the computer to go to a school party?"

Last time they had a party and dance at school, he came home after an hour, once the dancing started. Some stud he is.

And tonight, even though I feel like falling on my face, I'm going to the Women's Interfaith Group because a woman is presenting whom I thought would never ever be caught dead at these meetings. She is a very orthodox Jewish woman and a therapist and every time I approached her and told her what I'm into these days she's like "I don't wanna hear about it." Interfaith stuff between Moslems and Jews totally freaked her out.

So now I'm going to see why she is no longer freaked out and why she decided to do a workshop with these Moslem, Christian and Jewish women together. I'm exhausted but my curiosity about why people change their previous mode of thinking is getting the better of me.

The Women's Tent

I couldn't go because of my slave job. My boss wanted me to work on Friday which ruined my day off. The gathering sounded wonderful though and someone who was lucky enough to be there wrote about it. I'm printing excerpts here with her permission - dedicated to those who are pessimistic about co-existence....and for those who know it is possible.

My Experiences at the Women’s tent

The women’s tent occurred on Thursday-Friday 30-31st March.
500 Druze, Muslim and Christian Arab, Jewish, American, Australian, Italian WOMEN gathered for 2 days of sharing ,ceremony, workshops, singing, food, dance and togetherness.

Imagine a place filled with love. There are people from all over the world. All gathered, all dancing. Smiling sharing and singing. These are people I would not normally be in communication with. They are my sisters on the path to another world a place of peace where we can be one. For some hours on Thursday, 30 March, the day after the solar eclipse, we had that, we had a new world. It was for me a beautiful world.

To see the women there congregating all with love, all with open hearts, all wanting to give, to learn, to see, to be. G-d and the angels and the light where with us that day. They received, I think, our blessings and they received our intentions and looked on with love. In returned they showered us with love from above.

Our dreams can come true. On Thursday dreams turned into reality. On Thursday women hugged. Druze women, Arab women, Jews, Christians, Americans and Europeans. We were all there. We were all present and counted for. Each woman brought her self, her friends, her love and her faith. What ever her faith maybe. Each woman opened her heart. There were no borders. The love flowed. I believe that g-d witnessed this and g-d, or the g-d in each one of us, G-d took over.

The organizers worried before the event about organization. Will people get involved? Will people mix and will there be a connection? I witnessed this worry. I witnessed the opposite at the event. The love just flowed. When it was the time of the workshops everyone was involved. There was no one outside. It was a miracle. It was at it should be.

I felt so much warmth. I just wanted to hug everybody. The day was intense. There was the opening ceremony where we celebrated all faiths then we got up and danced and danced and felt the ecstasy that broke the borders of who we are (Jews, Druze, Arab, other) and opened our hearts so that as one we danced and sang and became a circle or a tribe of women with tears of joy in our eyes sharing and celebrating and embracing a wonderful moment of pure joy.

We ate together the delicious food of the Druze community – Canafe and humous, labane and pitta.

We circled, we joined in ceremony and then again we sang. Our voices filled space and rose above. The voices of angels.

We returned to our Druze host families. Exhausted and sated.

The next day we joined and in the fashion of containing, we shared our stories and our experiences.

We ended the event with a tour of Daliyat El Karmel. We learnt from the Druze a little bit about their history their culture and their beliefs.

I learnt that the more I give the more I receive. I opened my heart and gave and received so much at times I felt I could burst with love.

I am writing this because I feel so much hope in my heart that this is the way. This is the way of the new community and here we witnessed a glimpse of a possible future. A future that today’s reality could deem impossible but the hope in my heart shouts this is what can be. If we hold it in our hearts this IS possible, this can be. More and more circles all over the world and they are happening – in 6 continents in September women will gather and hold space. In august the Sulha where thousands of people – Arabs, Jews, Druze and friends for all over will gather for 3 days of talking circles, workshops , dancing and music. Where again borders will be broken down and the language of love and hope will be spoken. There are so many events so many places in Israel at this time for our hearts to open. I feel so grateful. Festivals, workshops, singing groups. There can be a new reality – it is already happening now.

Tanya Lyons

Doing it the American Way

I feel obliged to teach Israeli merchants the American way of business. It's enough that by living here things get all fucked up.

One example is that Hubby told me the other day that our drivers' license expired. I figured something was up - how would he have taken notice unless something horrible happened to make him take notice. We received a renewal form in the mail but he looked at it and said the licenses expire on June 3.

"How do you kow it expired?" I asked.

"I got a ticket the other day"

Bingo. He probably read the friggin license renewal form backwards because it probably expired March 6 - being that Israelis show their days and months differently than North Americans. It shows up as 6/3/06. OK - so after 11 years in this country he STILL didn't get it.

Frustrated a bit by this misunderstanding, I walked into a store because they had stuff on sale and saw a dress suitable for my daughter's wedding. I tried it on and it looked absolutely lovely. No need for me to go to 100 stores to find something and make myself crazy. It's rare to find a dress nowadays that makes me look skinny. It was a shimmery copper dress. I loveto shimmer.

I told the saleswomen, and they probably heard this for the first time in their lives -

"I'm gonna teach you people about 'layaway'. Layaway is what people do in America when they want to buy something and not go into debt. They put a certain amount of money on it and it is theirs. You keep the dress until the entire amount is paid - it could take a bit but it will get paid."

"Israelis just use their credit card."

"Yup - they sure do. And my credit card is at its limit. No more debting for me."

She insisted on half the amount up front. I agreed. Wow! A breakthrough in Israeli retail. I'll have easy payment terms at no interest and look skinny at my daughter's wedding. How much better can it get?

Divine Retribution

I felt that God summoned me somehow through friends, etc. I've had 2 friends from the Old Country e-mail me - one with an urgent request to pray for his teenage son who was having brain surgery, the other was a request for a business to be good and plenty - they both wanted prayers at the Western Wall. I hadn't had a chance to ask anyone to pray for them, and figured, well - I'd better do this myself. It's probably because I'm asking God for some financial wedding help and He's saying - look kid - there's no free lunch. I need you to do something for me. So I did. I hadn't prayed at the Western Wall for years in fact. It actually felt wonderful when I did. I came in jeans but covered my head at the entrance. I recited several Psalms and continued and continued - I was probably there an hour. I felt a connection and that the prayers were heard.

But when I got home, all hell broke loose with my family - I wondered why I just didn't stay at the Western Wall overnight. I thought - could this be divine retribution for voting Labor? Hubby was sitting on the couch, like a stone, not a rolling stone - but a tough, unmoveable one - very sullen and morose. The Good Daughter came downstairs around 11:00 pm -

"How are you?"

"Leave me alone!" was her response.

The Complainer hadn't been home for days.

"I haven't seen you in three days! How are you."

"Shut up"

Fuck you too - kid.

But my teenage werewolve son was the worse of them all. He tormented me all evening.
He also played hookey from school yesterday. He was to be tested for learning disabilities at a specialist this morning.

"Buy me two slices of pizza. If you don't listen to me, I'm not going tomorrow." This sort of stuff went on for hours.

I told him if he doesn't go, I'll still have to pay for the testing which I will do from his bar mitzvah money and he'll just have $100 left.

My son, the bully. Not a Jewish mother's pride and joy. I closed the door and sobbed to a friend about my ungrateful, horrible family and said if this behavior continues, they can shop for the Sabbath and week by themselves and make the 10 course Sabbath meal they love to complain about, themselves as well. I'll hit the few late night coffee shops that are open on Friday night with a friend. That'll teach them to mess with mom.

More election stickers

 

Most did vote for the guy who is dangerous for the Jews. Time will tell if this is indeed the case.

I was reading about the guy who got electrocuted while climbing an electrical pole to put up a Labor poster while taking down a likud poster and wondered if this was a Divine Act against Labor voters. Then I'm up shit's creek, ain't I. 

election day

 

Just a couple of snaps about the elections I found about town in Jerusalem. This one hit it right on. 

Elections

It's always fun going to my dentist. Especially mine who makes me feel like I'm a freak of nature.

"Your sinuses are really low."

"Excuse me?"

He showed me my x-rays and pointed to a thin white line over my teeth. My tooth had been bothering me and he suspects allergies because it is olive-blooming season and with it, the pollen.

"When we went to classes for implants, they showed us a photo of someone with low sinuses that should be way up over the teeth - the sinus membrane would probably have to be lifted for the implant to take place. I thought 'I've never come across anyone with that problem' - until you came along."

Love you too, doc.

I had taken off a half-day sick to hear this and this made me feel even sicker.

Nonetheless, the next day was election day and all offices/banks/post offices were closed. My children in the waitressing industry all had to work though. Hubby went to finish up a job as well. It seems I am the matriarch of voting in my home. I have 3 children of voting age. Two didn't vote because they were working until all hours - but the Good Daughter was off work and wanted to vote with me for the first time.

"Who are you voting for?" she asked.

"Labor. It's the lesser of the 3 evils." I actually wanted to vote for the Pensioner Party or the Green Leaf party but didn't think voting for small parties would make a difference.

"Fine. I'll vote for labor too." Simple as that. Influence your non-thinking family. Hubby also opted for Labor because I said so. I wish fund-raising for my daughter's wedding should be so easy.

On to the polling station, teenage campaigners of different parties thrust papers in our faces.

"No, No, NO!" we told them and shook our heads at them as if we were famous and they were pestering us for autographs.

Voting was painless and provincial. Back to the non-computer age. You give your ID card to about 5 people sitting at a table who mark you off their list. They give you an official envelope and you go to your voting booth and stick a square piece of paper with the letters of the party you're voting for inside the envelope. Labor's letters, funnily enough were "Aleph, Mem, Tet - Emet" which means "truth". I hope so, but am pretty cynical of any political party standing for "truth".

Back home, my Good Daughter told me her new boyfriend voted for Jewish right-wing extremist Baruch Marzel.

"WHAT!!!!???" shrieked I.

"Don't worry mom. I'll change him." said she.

Saturday at the movies

A friend and I meet monthly on Saturdays to go see movies at the Smadar Theater in Jerusalem. Brokeback Mountain was playing - she wasn't crazy about seeing this movie, but I really wanted to see this and nothing else piqued my interest so we ended up seeing it today. We both really enjoyed this flick and pondered about it for hours afterwards at the Scottish Coffee shop.

"Could you imagine how many people must go through what these guys in the film went through?" I said to my friend, thinking of all the gay Moslems and Orthodox Jews who have to hide their secret from their communities and families.

Then we went through our dating history thinking about those boyfriends who could have been gay. Like the Irish/Italian dude I dated in the early 1980s who abhored homosexuals. I was working in the music industry and one of my colleagues was Elton John's former boyfriend. He had an assortment of very colorful friends. It pained me to see this boyfriend being such an asshole around my gay friends. So it got me wondering if he wasn't just suppressing his "feelings" by being so homophobic.

Then my friend told me she thought her ex-husband could have been gay. He had a magnetic attraction with men and when she wrote in her diary stuff about him that she detested, which he read like - "you're a shmuck, an asshole, an idiiot, you look like Frankenstein, you're a goy...etc." nothing bugged him except the "you're a goy" bit, because he thought she wrote "you're a gay." And he flipped out over that one - totally.

We laughed so hard over that story that the walls of the old Scottish Coffee Shop shook and thought - oh shit - these nice and quiet European hotel guests staying there had probably never witnessed American/Canadian Jewish females letting loose. I thought for sure, they're gonna come over and throw us out.

Then Tamer called. Poor Tamer. I had to tell him I'm putting all peace activities on hold until after the wedding. I simply have no time. I just have time for chaos and peace will have to wait. He seemed not to have heard me. He blabbered on.

"Can we meet on Sunday? Next Saturday I'm bringing all my friends to your house. Do you think you or your husband can get me a work permit? Do you think you can find me a wife? I think the person you tried to set me up with had many lovers...yada yada yada"

My head was spinning and I politely told him I had to go. To go and get him some ritalin.

And I knew I should not have eaten that Scottish Scone. How will I ever fit into nice mother of the bride clothing in 3 month's time?

Gypsy daughters

"Our daughter could be getting married as early as June" I told Hubby as he drove us home.

"Are you getting all stressed out about it?" he asked.

Not at all. In fact, I should be totally stressed. We have $200 saved up for this wedding, which should cost us a total of about $10,000. And we have 3 months to find this moolah. I should be screaming for HELP. I should be tearing my hair out. I should be telling my daughter to elope and forget about a real wedding because in reality, unless I win a lottery, we could only save $2,000 by then. But I feel strangely calm about all this. I don't know why. Perhaps it's my meatless diet or my macrobiotic diet. I know everything will fall into place. It always does somehow.

I did cry yesterday as I tossed out my leftover chicken, though. None of my kids were ready to eat chicken even though the health ministry has been telling everyone as long as you cook the chicken, even if the bird is infected with avian flu, the heat will kill the bacteria. But not trusting our government, believing that the chicken industry is probably too valuable for them to destroy or to compensate, we decided they were lying and we weren't going to eat chicken for a while. I guess I could have been also brought to tears because I had to cook yesterday's dinner instead of eating the leftovers, as is our custom on Sundays. It's too traumatic for me to begin my work week on Sunday AND have to cook dinner all on the same day. So it shouldn't be a total loss, we tossed the chickens to the street cats out in the back. There were 2 days worth of human dinners out near the garbage and the cats took to it gracefully.

Then my daughters came home last night early enough to grace me with a conversation. The Good Daughter broke up with her Romanian boyfriend of 4 years - she broke his heart but she wanted to "date" because she had never had that experience. He was her first boyfriend. She found some Persian guy she liked over the many others that have been calling her lately, who she favors over them all.

The Complainer broke up with her Persian boyfriend of 1 1/2 years because he cheated on her. He calls her all the time and pops over still. He is heartbroken too. She immediately fell into the arms of some other poor soul, whose family on his mother's side is in the Israeli Mafia. Wow. Now, we have connections. Hubby doesn't know this yet, but I'm sure he won't be so pleased. He'll blame it all on me going to my friend's messianic synagogue for Purim where I laughed at the Godfather parody during the reading of the Megillah. But the Complainer, in one of her wiser moments, told me - "We're not a perfect family either. Dad's brother is gay, does that mean we're all gay?"

Certainly not. I'm miserable. Just kidding. She did give me alot of pleasure though with that bright retort.

chicken little

With the bird flu in low swing in the Negev, my kid called me up frantic.

"No more chicken for me!" she claimed. Ah, another victory for the animal rights movement. Plus it will conveniently lower the costs of our hefty food bills.

What will I do with all the leftovers? Apparently it's ok to eat cooked chicken, not that I've ever served uncooked chicken.

Not to mention Hubby was totally antsy over the weekend.

"I had turkey all WEEK!!" he yelled at me - as if celebrating Purim by eating turkey was going to kill us all and, ironically, fulfill the wish of the evil Persian Haman.

He didn't even blast me for going to my friend's messianic congregation to hear the Megillah. I went out of sheer curiosity and thought, well, hell - how much can they figure Jesus into Purim? So I cringed a bit through some of the songs they sang before the Megillah reading which mentioned Yeshua the Messiah (as all traditional Jews do because it's, well, traditional to cringe) and sang along with them the Psalms and other stuff that stuck to the original text. They didn't read from a real parchment scroll but from xeroxed papers and it was more of a comedy show, which I really enjoyed rather than the more somber, traditional readings. The "3 Stooges" on stage who read this put on different hats to enact the various characters and everyone especially loved the Persian King Ahashverosh, who did a sephardic Marlon Brando-as-Godfather thing. Then they had a pot luck and I didn't eat much. I told my friend "I don't eat milk and meat together" (at least not in the same meal), because there was one dish with shredded cheese that I took.

Overhearing us was this Christian woman who immediately butted in "OH! That was a mistake. I'll take that cheese dish off right away.!"

She was truly upset at this mishap of the traditional Jewish way of not mixing meat and dairy dishes together. And I was touched by her sincerity.

The Genie

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook
myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years... I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable! "

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map again."

Would you believe

Who would have ever thought that in Israel, yes - with all its shysters - I would have gotten a call telling me that my husband is paying too much on his cellphone bill. Perhaps he would like to come in and switch to another program which would enable him to get a much lower rate per minute - cut by 75%!!! Well I'll be. I coralled Hubby one night just to get him over to the office to get it done. The cellphone company we're talking about is Orange. God bless Orange. Of course we waited at the wrong office - which was the sales office - not the service office, for 1 1/2 hours before we were told to go to the other office 2 minutes before closing time. Nothing here is absolutely perfect.

Purim Festivities

We're celebrating the holiday of Purim - maybe I'll get some nice photos to describe this holiday. Maybe not. Purim was celebrated by the rest of the world yesterday, but in Jerusalem, it is celebrated today.

In any case, I tried to have an interfaith gathering at my home yesterday which totally flopped. For one, Tamer from a West Bank village tried unsuccessfully to get a permit to get into Jerusalem. During the holidays, though, there is a total closure on the West Bank so that even people with permits do not get in. He complained to me that in general they won't give him a work permit because he isn't married, then asked me to find him a wife. Any single Moslem women out there? He doesn't even mind married an "International" - i.e. a non-Moslem. Somehow, I think he'd even prefer that over a local woman. But his calls are coming in to me daily, and he seems to be getting desperate to get some kind of work permit. They did give him one, finally, but only for 3 days after the holiday. Not much work you can find for just 3 days.

But the others did not come either - it is difficult to go outside Jerusalem - so it ended up being one person (Jewish) from the interfaith group and the rest from my neighborhood. I managed to buy and cook a turkey for the occasion, but I see that most Israelis do not. The bird just barely fit into my Israeli-made oven and it was only 7 kilo (15 lbs).

Our guests talked about the new meaning of Purim for us - that this holiday resulted because of a Persian anti-semite who wanted to destroy the Jews, but miraculously the Jewish queen Esther saved the day. Haman, the Hitler of that day, descended from the tribe of Amalek, and there is a biblical commandment to stamp out Amalek. Unfortunately today, we each think the Other is Amalek and attempt do everything that can be done to "stamp" the Other out (Although I do think the current Iranian nuctcase president is a close relative to this tribe of Amalek). But we are told to "blot out the memory of Amalek" - because if none of us really check ourselves, we can become this "amalek-type" being and just wish for the Other's annihilation. Now that we are in Israel, and relatively safe in our land (which we share with the Other), it would be good to really blot out the memory of Amalek so we could live peacefully with one another.

good people of jerusalem

After getting a new cellphone yesterday, I spotted a new Yemenite restaurant in the premises of what used to be a really good Chinese restaurant in the industrial section of Talpiot on the corner of the Rav Chen mall. The Hong Kong lady went back to China after 10 years of business here. I didn't have much money on me,and hell - it was my 23rd anniversary - which I did not celebrate with Hubby who is acting like someone you do not want to celebrate a wedding anniversary with. I had $4 on me (the shekel equivalent, anyways - who carries US $ around here?). I ordered melawach (a fried puff-pastry pancake like thing) and yemenite tea from the owner. He insisted his melawach is not what I get in the stores - his is bigger and hand made. He served it to me with crushed tomatoes and a bright green hot paste. I wanted to know what level "hot" it was - if a Yemenite tells you it's a little hot, watch out. It's extremely hot. If he tells you it's not hot at all, it's probably a bit spicy.

"This isn't spicy at all."

Wonderful.

I slabbed it on my melawach and it was just spicy enough to get my nose running.

He noticed me looking at my change - I had just enough for the meal.

"You don't have to pay me now. You can come in next week if you want to."

Huh? How many restaurant owners give you that choice.

"You're a new business. How do you expect to make a living here, if you're going to trust that everyone will come in a week later and pay you?" I asked him.

He rolled his eyes upward and pointed to heaven. "It's all up to God" he told me.

I left him a small tip, which he handed back to me and told me not to waste my money. Wow.