What Women Want

My kids phoned me up last night, while I was still at work.

"We're at the SuperPharm. We want to buy you a present for your birthday. What do you want?"

"What do I want?? Let's see.." and much to their dismay, instead of being like my mother who just said - don't buy me anything - their Needy Mother rattled off a list like this

"You could get me:
perfume,
concealer,
lipstick,
moisturizer,
serum,
and not from those shitty local brands"

"You mean like from Clarins?" one of my daughters asked. I could already picture the sweat dripping off her.

"Look - just get me whatever it is YOU want. Just not from the crap brands. OK?"

My boss had me working again late. He's very generous and offered to get me a taxi.

"Where can you get a taxi to?"

"Oh, the center of town where I catch a bus to my town."

"Any place else besides the center of town."

"Why SURE! I'd love to be brought straight home."

He promptly had the receptionist arrange for an expensive taxi ride all the way home. I was absolutely delighted.

People that ask me - what do I want - just to be polite. Don't ask me that. Ever. Because I will tell them. Like the time when I was just breaking my bosses in as to who exactly they are working with - when I was fairly new there. Everyone seemed in awe or just plain petrified of them. They were going off to the US and asked everyone -

"Want us to bring you back anything?"

They probably were sorry they asked. Of course everyone in the office said 'no'. But no sir, not me. As they were walking out the door I yelled out -

"I'D LOVE SOME DEVIL DOGS" - a childhood delicacy that cannot be found here in Jerusalem.

I heard later on that they went into a large supermarket somewhere in the vast United States and couldn't find the damn dogs for me and Mr. Professor finally went to the store manager who helped locate these things. They brought me back two cases of 16 Devil Dogs in each case. They were gone within 3 days.