Birthday kid

We have a slew of birthdays this month. Man, do I hate February. On Saturday it was the Complainer's birthday. She turned 18. Old enough to vote. Old enough to move out of my house, since she likes nothing about living here with us old folks. I wanted to take her out to the movies yesterday - just a mother/daughter outing. I thought either Brokeback Mountain or Mrs. Henderson Presents, at my favorite theater in Jerusalem - where one could chug a beer, sip a hot cider, eat an entire meal right inside the theater.

She woke up at noon.

I approached her cautiously.

"Wanna see a movie with me later today?"

"NO. LEEMEE ALONE!!! SHUT UP!!"

Fuck you, kid. That's no way to get a birthday gift.

Two hours later, I took my traditional Sabbath afternoon nap.

The door opens.

"Mom?"

It's the 18 year old Beast.

I retaliate.

"Get out of here!!! Don't wake me up. OK!???"

Later that evening when I roll out of bed, I confronted the Complainer, who was complaining about no one doing anything, or getting her anything for her birthday. Even her boyfriend avoided her today.

I explained - "You wanted me to buy you a ring. I can't buy you a ring, because I don't know what fits you. For that you have to come with me. And you had your chance to go out with me today but you were totally rude."

"I DID want to go out but not right when I woke up! I went into your room to tell you I wanted to go out."

"Great! You wanted to tell me that WHILE I was asleep."

I'm thinking this girl has as much sense as Paris Hilton.

Today at work, one of the secretaries interrupts my meeting.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but your daughter is on the phone crying. She doesn't feel well."

I called her to find her sounding worse than a 500 year old frog. With her whining she sounded even worse than that. Her throat is sore and burning and can I make an appointment with the doctor? Sure, what else can a mother do?

I told her if she feels better, she can stop by my work and we could go and pick out a ring in one of the boutique shops in German Colony. And suddenly, as if the throat genie came visiting, her voice changed back to her Princessy self.

"See you at 4!"

Yeah.