I am powerless over my debt and my life has become unmanageable. I recite this around once a week - though perhaps it should be every day. I seem to always not want to do the things that are good for me. Like not spending $ on a dinner I won't enjoy. Or like going to my debtors anonymous meeting in Jerusalem every Wednesday. And not staying solvent. And not listening to my inner voice. My sponsor told me that I don't believe that I'm powerless over my debts. I can't understand why she thinks that. It was highly insulting to hear that - but I have to take the hits from my sponsor, don't I. Maybe I think that winning a lottery will put an end to my chaotic situation. The BIG FIX. For me to write a post-dated check is like an alcoholic having a drink. But I did it. Twice this week. I took a tutor for my only daughter that gets the straight A's in her class - or A++. I hadn't bothered with tutors for my other loser-kids. It wouldn't have made too much of a difference. They're expensive. But her getting an 85 in math would spell only disaster for her and the only way to avoid this horrid situation was to get her a tutor. On the one hand, I felt good that I was able to do something for her and on the other, felt bad that I had to debt in order to do it.

Then when I got home and wanted to make dinner, looking in the fridge and seeing the fettucini alfredo sauce that I bought GONE. Absolute gonners. After threatening everyone in the family, they informed me that the darling hubby attacked the sauce and spread it all over his bread. I can't blame him entirely. He couldn't read the Hebrew writing on the package and thought it was cream cheese. Silly man. Tee hee.