Blocked channels

I'm trying to figure out what is blocked in my life. I haven't gone to any debtor's anonymous meetings. Perhaps that was sin #1. Sin #2 may have been getting a credit card, which I hardly use anyway, because I paid a property tax debt with it (renters here pay property tax), which took up most of my credit. Sin #3 may have been not contacting my sponsor. I called up an old-timer in the program who lives in one of those extremist settlements in Samaria.

"Maybe all these problems began when you first joined that group of yours."

"What group?" The Beatles, Stones, DA, Al-Anon? I couldn't figure it out.

"You know, the group you went to Barcelona with."

Ahhh, my interfaith group. She thinks sin #4 is making peace with people of other religions???? God is punishining me financially in my attempts to make peace with Palestinians? Is that what this woman thinks!!!?????? I got even more depressed and angry talking to her than I was beforehand.

However, in yelling at me, she gave me some other food for thought, like not being grateful for what I already have, like a job that allows me to work plenty of paid overtime, health, and other assorted small things.

Meanwhile, today was the last day of registration for my son's junior high. The last thing I had to do was take him to one of those machines where they spit out your photos, because the school needs two passport size photos. I have exactly $2.50 on me - not a penny more. This is what the photos cost. I give it to him and escort him to the place. He is walking 50 feet away from me. He runs up to me quickly and tells me "I know people here. My friends are here." Then runs away from me again like I have the Black Plague. He's nearly 13 and his mother is an embarrassment to be with. What's the embarrassment?? One, that I'm his mother and TWO and this is a big TWO - I speak English. I speak a foreign language. We are not true Hebrews. We come from Mars, not from somewhere on this planet Earth.

He sat in the booth listening to the instructions in Hebrew. I asked him,in English of course, if the photos are ready to be taken. He squirmed in his chair and yelled "SHHHHHH" like the authorities will cart him away for having a foreign-speaking mother. When the photos came out,they were tiny sticker size photos and I said - in English of course - why didn't you ask me what kind of photos to get. These are useless. "SHHHHHHH - you're embarrassing me!" he cringed and began walking away. With that I yelled - in English of course - I HAVE NO MORE MONEY FOR ANY MORE PHOTOS AND YOU NEED THESE FOR TOMORROW. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO." and I ran towards the exit, away from my English-language-hating son.