Mom and Teen Meanderings

Last night I was at the Sunday night macro dinner in this funky apartment in Jerusalem. I sat next to a French Emily Latella. If you are old enough, or watch Saturday Night Live re-runs, you will know who Emily Latella is. I was suspicious enough because I got there late and there was an empty seat next to her. The rest of the overflow crowd were sitting on the couch or near the fridge in folding chairs. I wanted to be comfortable and took the seat next to "Emily". She spoke -"I AM TEEEECHING EEERIDOLOGEEE AND NUTREETION. DO YOU KNOW ANYBUDY WHO WANTS TO LEARN IT?"

She was about 1/2 inch from my face when she spoke to me and came up to my boobs when she wasn't. I cracked up because I always loved Gilda Radner playing Emily Latella, and here she was, sitting right next to me. She looked and sounded just like her. I couldn't stop smiling because inside I was cracking up so much - she probably thought I was the friendliest person in the room. There was a birthday celebration and the birthday cake came out. Don't get so excited. Macrobiotic birthday cakes are weird. Whole wheat with tahini topping and apples inside to make it sweet. Emily shrieked "ZEE CAKE EEES SOOOO TASTEEEE!!!"

I had a very light day at work today. The most difficult part of it was getting into a taxi to "escort" a visiting professor to the Inner Sanctum, our Jerusalem Ivy League joint. Leah's escort service. Heh, heh. Wait until I tell the folks back home. I took one look at the guy, and I thought he's definitely gay. Perfectly ironed jacked, slacks and TIE. No one but lawyers wear ties here. But to my surprise I found out he does have a family. I was hoping that he's not closeted and won't leave his family in 5 years time because he must come out. As my co-worker said "Maybe he's just a 'good' boy." He really looked so preppy and he sat up so straight in the taxi. I hadn't seen a look like that in, say, 10 years. When I went back to the States 2 years ago, I hung around Rolling Stones fans. Anything but preppy.

I had enough spare time to check in with my daughters. My eldest and 2nd oldest daughters were going to go this week to do EKGs or whatever it's called to check out their frequent migraines. So they decided to go together. "Mom, wanna come along with us." Those wires freak me out. So, no thanks. At least you have each other. I tried to convince them to check it out with a naturopath, acupunturist, homeopath, chinese medicine man, but to no avail. They prefer the medical way. Like their grandma. So it only seems natural that their children will want to do it MY way.

My 2nd oldest, who is waitressing at a popular Jerusalem restaurant, told me that she got phone numbers from 2 guys. One Indian guy from London. "Is he Jewish?" I asked her. "No, he's spiritual." Great. A swami.

"He is into martial arts and he's married. He said whenever I'm in London, he'll show me around."

Spiritual, into martial arts, British and married. I told her - honey, this married bozo is going to show you around no where except below his waist.

His friend is a guest DJ from London who is DJ'ing at a club in Tel Aviv. He gave her 2 tickets to the club he'll be at.

"Make sure it's not a strip club."

"Oh MOMMMM!!!"