Wednesday, October 06, 2004


I don't know what's up with me these days. There were so many things I needed to take care of and so much spare time to do it in. There were so many events going on, even a friend's father's funeral and I didn't go to any of them. I didn't clean my house. I didn't file. I just kept on hearing like a broken record over and over again - you're not like other mothers, they work, they clean .blah blah blah. Even my 12 year old son joined in the chorus. The succah on my porch with all its tinsel, looks sad and depressed. There's no one in it and no one that cares that it's there. Just me. 2 of my kids were off with friends and I didn't see them the entire holiday. Tonight - the last night of the holiday, I'm home with the Complainer who is upstairs sleeping off a night out with the girlfriends and my Son. Hubby is in his cave and probably will remain there the rest of the night. I was supposed to go at noon to help escort Palestinian children in the South Hebron hills. There was an incident last week where 2 Christian peacemakers escorting the children to their school (because of incidents with settlers harassing them) were beaten up and one was hospitalized. The assailants were English and Hebrew speaking. I was set to go but the woman organizing it said they had enough volunteers. I was actually nervous about going - not because of Palestinians who would probably be grateful that Jews are helping them out here but fearing these crazy young Jews would try and start up with us as we're escorting these kids. Isn't it odd that I'd feel nervous moreso with my own people. It made me extremely depressed. One of the reasons why I am feeling a bit down. I was going to go yesterday afternoon on a short hike in the Jerusalem hills to see some springs but was too lethargic to even get ready to go. Tomorrow there's a party at the Mt. of Olives - perhaps in combination with the ending of the Jewish holiday but together with our Moslem friends. I am goig to try -really try to make it to that one. Something has got to brighten up my day. One thing nearly did and which made me feel not quite that alone in the universe. I read HopeWays newsletter. It began like this "People have often asked us in the last 14 months if we were "pro-Palestinian" or "pro-Israeli", "right-wing" or "left-wing", "religious" or "secular"... We have always answered these questions with a single word: "Yes". We are pro-Palestinian and pro-Israeli, both right and left, both religious and secular. In fact, there is no other way of supporting peace. To support only one of the sides means to work for conflict and hostility, not for mutual acceptance and reconciliation..." It is comforting to know I'm not the only one that thinks exactly like this.


Anonymous said...

You should know what a comfort you are to me knowing that I'm not alone in thinking like this. You are a comfort to countless others as well - I'm sorry you're feeling down, and sometimes isolated for what you are working towards. But then, I guess I would say that people who believe in what we believe in are needed throughout the world. Even if that means they are minorities in their beliefs, their contributions are immeasurable.

I hope that made sense.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling down...understandable, when one feels quite alone. I think that probably there are many other people in the world who may feel much like us, but we just may not have found them yet....or perhaps like one of my dear in Australia...chances are we won't ever meet in this life. But still it is comfort knowing others care about us...SOMEWHERE on the planet.

Also, the earth is in a dark period of time, in my opinion...we feel the weight of the darkness and moreso at different times too. And we know that the holidays are the hardest in ways as no one finds their expectations met really...right? I do believe that the day will come when all of life will be a glorious celebration...for those who care to come.

Hope you are not unwell...sometimes we need some good vitamins to help us feel more energetic too. Or the good ole hormones do a number on women from time to time too. Hope the next few days will bring some joy to you in one way or another.

timx said...

There are millions of people who feel like you. As I have said before, public opinion wins in the end, because politicians can't manage without it - Of course it takes time but we just have to make sure we are heard...And you seem pretty good at that!