Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Shopping with Husbands

I'm having a rough rough week. I'm subbing for my boss's secretary who is on vacation for two weeks so now I am a double slave - working an 11 hour shift with no break. No peace for the wicked, eh? Do you think when I get home, I can sit like a couch potato in front of the television, while servants serve me my dinner? No, certainly not. Instead I have to figure out what to make for my eternally starving family, who are useless when it comes to anything other than ordering pizza or opening up a can of tuna.

Today Hubby informed me that he went to get a haircut. Must I always dread the times he gets a haircut? You see, the man hardly has any hair. He's damn good looking, even with not much on top (who cares what's on top, right? - God compensates in other places). So he gets a haircut every other week, and the kids wonder why. And he proudly brings home the latest in "love toys" for me, that the hairdresser sells him. This week is not a good week for toys. Or love. I'm just simply fucking exhausted.

Charming man that he was, he accompanied me to the supermarket, and embarrassed me to no end, making fun of all the Russians in the store. The deli guy asked us what we wanted, as we stood next to a Russian woman.

Hubby answers - "We want NYET, NYET"

Oh shit. I intervene and tell the guy, pastrami please.

We walk by the tin foil and he exlaims loudly for the entire supermarket to hear.

"The worst thing that can happen to our daughter in her reformatory is that she'll become a LESBIAN."

"Must you enunciate "lesbian"? I hissed at him.

The vegetables from Gush Katif in Gaza were selling like hotcakes.

"This is gonna be a collector's item. Maybe I'll just save the package of lettuce." I told my Old Man.

We walk past the veggies. Big mistake. He's already toying with the zucchini and cucumbers, and I walk past him as if he's just another loony stranger.

I let him pack up some Haagen Daz, even though I'm on a diet and it's atrociously expensive here. I'm utterly exhausted by 9:00 pm by the time we get home.

Maybe, just maybe he'll be satisfied enough after indulging in fine chocolate ice cream.


makuahine said...

Oh you poor thing!!!

Men, can't live with them... just maybe we could live without them...

(valerie from

Anonymous said...

yukky and funnny :/

lisoosh said...

One day my daughter was really acting up in the supermarket, pulling things off shelves, bouncing balls around. Some old lady came up to me and said "I wonder where that girls mother is, shocking behaviour".
"It is shocking, I have no idea where her mother is" I replied and walked off hastily, leaving my daughter behind.

jane said...

lol hope you got some sleep