Girl Talk

Who woulda thunk that I would find a peaceful haven for breakfast in the noisy bustling shuk in Jerusalem. I called up my friend, whom Hubby disdainly called "the DA (debtor'a anonymous) Queen" to join me. I was just so fucking tired of all the crazy bad energy in my home that I just could not go back afte shopping there. Hubby, the designated driver for my shopping, was complaining bitterly about having to take me there.

"You should know," I began to tell him - (starting the sentence 'you should know' is very common among Orthodox Jewish women!!) that MOST men, even my 75 year old boss, do the shopping for their wives so that they could stay home and cook up the meals and clean up. I just can't do it all."

And inside I was seething. Was it him lugging the endless heavy packages of fruits, vegetables, dry goods, heavy laundry detergent from stand to stand and maneuvering through the crowds? No. It was me. After I finished my 3rd round of shopping, I went to the car, loaded the last of the stuff in, and said "YOU take it all home, I'm treating myself for breakfast."

Luckily the "DA Queen" was available to join me. I love chitter chatting with her. It's so easy to talk to her. I had a phone conversation with another women the other day, who kept me on the phone for over 10 minutes. My ears buzz when that happens. I hate phone conversations. But the DA Queen is so vibrant, intelligent and funny and full of great advice and compliments that it's difficult to stay in a slumpy mood for long.

My coffee and fresh orange juice was served to me.

"You know what I did the other week to Hubby when he was just tormenting me all day?" I confessed. "I know it's childish and all that but I threw the bathrobe I got for him as a gift in the trash. I thought he'd see it on top of the garbage but he didn't so it got thrown out."

"So he asked me one day this week 'where is my robe'? I told him, I threw it out"

The DA Queen laughed. "Tell him it's with your camera."

Suddenly all the guilt feelings I had went out the door. Ah yes. The camera that -I- bought. It was a NIKON F65 for fuck's sake. He just offered it to his brother in February when he came to visit. Yes, the brother that drives a GOLD JAGUAR in Canada. He GAVE it to him, and made me feel selfish for getting upset that we offered this to him - "after all, you don't use it." I just didn't use it because having a digital saved money on printing. But a Nikon is the Jaguar of cameras!!! I was planning to get a telephoto lens for it and all that. So the robe was quite a bit cheaper than my camera he so flippantly gave away without my permission.

I guess we're even steven there. Somewhat. Unless I even up the score by tossing his drills and ladders in the trash.

"Do you know if most women leave their husbands, many of their women friends will no longer be as friendly to them?"

"Your situation wouldn't change much" she advised. Of course it wouldn't. It's not like I have a "couples" social life. I have single girl friends, none are married. Who would find me a threat to their husbands in a "couple" situations when there aren't any husbands around. Wheeee! We laughed at the real stories of married women who felt threatened by single women.

We role played - and she blurted out - "Yeah, I left my blech of a husband so I should hang around with your shlub of a man??"

And I nearly spit out my orange juice, I was laughing so hard.

I told my friend that the energy is so bad in my house that even the Sage won't stay lit (people use sage to clear bad energy from their homes).

It was her turn to laugh.

"You know I wanted to get my teeth whitened because my natural teeth darkened, and it looks awful when I smile " I told her. "And my dentist said to me 'what's wrong with that? You just look like a middle-aged woman.' I wanted to tell him - "listen you stupid asswipe. This is not a way to get customers. And boy am I glad I'm not married to you." But I didn't because I need him because he is one of the few dentists in Jerusalem that can freeze my teeth properly. And by the end of August, I will no longer look like a middle-aged woman with gray teeth. I will have a Hollywood smile....